Closure
by Becca Lavender
Summary: With Dan set to graduate and Blair married to Louis, Dan is ready to finally achieve some closure.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Closure**

**Word count: 4,165**

**Rating: PG-13**

**Summary: Two years after Blair moves to Monaco, Dan is ready to finally have some closure. **

_**Author's notes: This is much angstier than my usual fare. I'm not really sure where this came from, but random scenes just kept running through my head. I also sincerely apologize for the huge cliché at the end. Please forgive me. **_

"Congratulations, graduate," Blair said. Dan smiled into the webcam in response.

"Thanks," Dan said. "I'm doing my part to help the Constance/St. Jude's college graduation statistics."

"It's just NYU," Blair scoffed. "They only care about their Ivy League statistics."

"I guess I'll have to try and be relevant in grad school," Dan conceded.

"Grad school? Is that what all the trust fund babies do these days after their _Eat Pray Love_ trips around the world?"

"I'll have you know, _Princess,_that I haven't touched my trust fund," Dan said. "I actually earned the money that I live off of."

"And how much of the advance for your second book will be left when you get back?"

There was a pause, and Dan looked at the computer screen to see the smirk that he knew was going to be on Blair's face.

"Point taken," Dan said sheepishly. "It's possible should my writer's block continue that grad school will be a trust funded endeavor."

"I'm glad that your self-righteousness is slowly turning into self-awareness," Blair said. "On that note, your gift should be arriving shortly. It was a struggle to shop for the boy who has everything yet claims to want nothing."

"Is it a pony?"

Blair rolled her eyes and ignored him, though she couldn't hold back her grin completely. These were the moments that made Dan happy they had made the switch from the phone to video chat.

Blair's face turned serious and she cleared her throat. "So, how's Serena?"

"She's good," Dan said. "She got in two days ago. I've barely seen her as she's been caught up in a whirlwind of shopping, but we're going out with Nate tonight after the family celebratory dinner."

"So how many times has Lily made passive aggressive digs at Serena's lack of education under the guise of congratulating you?"

"Approximately 1.5 per hour," Dan said. "'Daniel, I am just so proud of you. I hope sometime this decade we'll get to attend Serena's college graduation,'" Dan mimicked.

Blair laughed. "I imagine Eleanor would be saying similar things," Blair said with a sigh. "I'm sure someday Columbia will give me an honorary degree."

"And who was just making fun of my trust fund lifestyle?"

"Honorary degrees are given to important people, Humphrey," Blair said. "Your trust fund signifies that you're sponging off the fact that your father married rich."

Dan just laughed as he always did when Blair insulted him. "Well, on that note I have to go," Dan said. "Jenny will be here in about 15 minutes, and I need to be there to ease the continued awkward tension between Serena and her."

"You have fun with that," Blair said. "Tell Nate and Serena hi for me." Blair looked wistful for a moment, like she wanted to say something more.

When she didn't say anything, Dan spoke again. "Will do, Waldorf," Dan said. "Wish you were here."

Blair smiled sadly. "Me too. I miss...all of you."

With that, Dan's computer went blank. Dan wistfully stared at the screen for a moment, then shook it off as he did every week after he and Blair spoke. He heard a throat clear behind him.

"So, that's still going on?" Eric said, his head shaking. "You promised me a year ago that you were going to quit out of self-preservation."

"I guess I'm just a masochist," Dan sighed. "I suppose I was also naïve to think that I would have any privacy around here."

"Nope, not when you have nosy younger siblings around," Eric said and gave him a friendly slap on the back. Dan couldn't help but smile. He liked having a younger brother, even if he was intuitive and kind of nosy. He supposed that went with the younger brother territory.

"You're not going to tell any other nosy siblings about this, right?" Dan asked.

"Your sad crush on Blair Waldorf is a secret that I will continue to keep to my grave," Eric promised him.

"We're just friends," Dan said defensively. Eric just gave him a look. Dan wondered why he even bothered trying to lie to Eric. He was often amazed at just how pathetic he was.

After a polite family dinner, everyone went their separate ways. Lily had some engagement she dragged Rufus to, and Eric and Jenny went out for drinks to catch up. This left Dan and Serena alone together a half hour before they were supposed to go meet Nate.

They sat in the living room in awkward silence. While they occasionally spoke on the phone, usually as a birthday greeting or when there was some specific information to impart, they hadn't carried on too many conversations since Serena's move to California. They had mostly exchanged pleasantries and small talk since Serena had been back in town, generally with the family around the whole time. This was the first time they had been alone together since she'd been back.

"So, your trip sounds amazing," Serena said, breaking the ice.

"I'm looking forward to it," Dan said. "I've always wanted to travel, and this is the first time I've really had the means and the opportunity."

"I'm happy for you. You deserve it," Serena said.

"Thank you," Dan said sincerely. "Honestly, you're part of my inspiration for doing this."

"Really?" Serena said smiling, visibly touched.

"Despite the not-so-subtle digs Lily has given out, I really admire you for staying in California and doing what makes you happy," Dan said. "That's really brave."

"Thanks," Serena said almost shyly. "That means a lot coming from you."

There was a silence again, this one more comfortable. Serena hesitated before she spoke again.

"So, does this trip of yours include a stop in France?" she asked pointedly.

"Yeah, I thought I'd go check out Blair's royal life," Dan said lightly. "How often do you score an invite to stay in an actual palace?"

Serena gave him a sad look. "Do you really think that's a good idea?" she asked softly.

Dan looked closely at Serena's face, trying to gauge both how much she knew and what her feelings were on the subject. He opted to play dumb.

"Why not? Have you seen the pictures of Louis's sister?"

"_Dan,_" Serena said, almost scolding. "Nate has told me...some things."

Dan's heart dropped. "Oh," he said. "What things has he told you precisely?" Dan couldn't keep the irritation out of his tone.

"Don't be mad at him," Serena said. "Nate was just worried about you. He said you talk to Blair at least once a week, and that you e-mail her a lot."

Dan shrugged. "We're friends. Friends communicate with each other," Dan said. "I'm sorry if it bothers you that you and I don't talk more."

"Now you sound like Blair," Serena said with a dry laugh. "I'm not jealous, I'm just worried. Nate told me that your last two girlfriends dumped you when you refused to stop talking to Blair."

"That had nothing to do with Blair. They were trying to control me, just like Vanessa," Dan protested. "There's nothing going on between Blair and me. I haven't seen her in person in over a year."

"I know you and Blair don't consider me to be your intellectual equal, but I'm not stupid, Dan," Serena said tersely.

"Now that sounded jealous," Dan pointed out. He lightly nudged her with his shoulder and grinned at her. He raised his eyebrows and made eye contact until she broke down and grinned back.

"Stop," she giggled. "You're kind of proving my point by trying to distract me from this serious conversation with that charming smile of yours."

"I don't think you're stupid, Serena," Dan said earnestly, knowing this was a sore spot. "I could never fall in love with someone whose intellect I didn't respect."

Dan saw Serena's eyes tear up, and then Serena leaned in and tentatively kissed him. Dan felt a familiar warmth spread through him, and he kissed her back. He knew it was a terrible idea, but he couldn't quite bring himself to stop, even when Serena's mouth opened beneath his and they deepened the kiss. For a few moments, Dan just quit thinking and let himself feel.

He was jarred back to reality when he felt Serena start to unbuckle his belt. He pulled back, breathing heavily. Serena instantly looked sheepish.

"While I have no doubt what we were about to do would have felt amazing," Dan said, "I also have a feeling that it wouldn't be worth not being able to look each other or Nate in the eye all night."

"I'm sorry," Serena said. "I just got caught up in the moment."

"Please, don't apologize," Dan said. "As a wise person told me years ago, this has never been our problem." Dan gave her a light kiss on the lips to reassure her that they were okay.

"No, it hasn't," Serena said longingly. "Now, amongst our other problems, you're in love with my best friend. Does Blair have any idea how you feel?"

"Yeah, she knows," Dan said with a bitter laugh. "But she's Blair, so she just pretends to have no idea because she needs me when she gets lonely."

"Dan..." Serena started to say something, before Dan stood up and interrupted her.

"It's about time we met Nate. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to get drunk."

The fact that Blair knew how he felt made Dan feel all the more pathetic, and he often replayed the scene in his head, wondering if there was something he could have done differently. Each time he came to the conclusion that no matter what he had said or done, nothing would have changed. He wasn't sure if this conclusion helped or not.

Almost two years before, Blair had returned from her trip to Monaco to plan her wedding. He and Blair had grown closer over the summer. It began under the pretense of watching movies together, but they had quickly decided it made more sense to watch movies on their own time and discuss them later rather than talking their way through Dan's Netflix queue. Long before they had made it through the queue, they abandoned the pretense completely and would spend every Wednesday night talking on the phone, alternating who was inconvenienced by the time change.

Dan didn't know if was their newfound closeness or the fact that he was the only person in the city, but somehow Dan had taken on the role of her gay best friend for wedding planning purposes. Dan was pretty sure he wasn't well cast in the role.

While he admittedly enjoyed sampling some of the foods and wines, his eyes would always glaze over when anything involving flowers or place settings were involved. Even though Dan had been to dozens of grand events at this point, he had never realized how tedious the planning process was. It didn't help that each time he expressed an opinion, Blair would then decide to choose the opposite.

Dan found himself confused when they entered a bridal salon. He thought her mother was designing her dress.

"Of course my mother is designing my dress," Blair explained. "We're here to look at accessories."

"Wouldn't you want the dress first?" Dan asked, though frankly he really didn't know.

"Normally," Blair sighed. "Apparently, designing my dress is the most difficult challenge of my mother's professional career. I don't know why. I told her I wanted something simple, elegant and sophisticated yet over the top and befitting a princess. Of course, I wanted the dress to be memorable without overshadowing the bride."

"And she didn't think that was clear enough?" Dan asked sarcastically.

"Well, the woman has known me my whole life. You'd think she'd know what I want," she huffed. Dan saw a slight look of hurt flicker over her face.

"I'm sure it's just hard for her because she wants it to be perfect. It's probably the most meaningful thing she's ever designed," Dan said reassuringly.

"Thanks, Humphrey," Blair said before taking a breath and collecting herself. "Anyhow, we're here today to pick out some accessories. My mother said she'd try to use them as inspiration for the dress."

Dan and Blair were seated on some couches, and an employee brought them a bottle of champagne.

A bridal consultant approached them with a stack of books which she placed in front of Blair. Dan half-heartedly looked over her shoulder as his mind drifted off.

Looking at the veils, he was struck by the mental image of Louis slowly lifting up her veil, Blair beaming into her groom's eyes as she promised him her future. Dan felt a pang in his chest, and an overwhelming sadness. For some reason, it hadn't quite hit him before now. This wasn't make believe. It was very, very real. Not only was Blair getting married, but she would be leaving New York for good.

"I have to go," Dan said as he stood up abruptly, unthinkingly grabbing the bottle of champagne. His flight instinct took him to the nearest exit door, and he dazedly walked down a flight of stairs only to find he had reached the emergency exit. For a moment he considered setting off the alarm and making a run for it, but he figured that would only make things worse when Blair inevitably caught up with him at some point. Instead, he slumped to the ground, champagne bottle in hand.

He popped open the bottle and took a long swig. He decided to wait for thirty minutes before he would emerge. He figured if Blair wanted to find him, she'd find him in a half hour. If she didn't want to find him, the appointment would hopefully be over by then and he could slink out unnoticed. He wasn't entirely sure which option he preferred.

Twenty minutes and a third of the bottle of champagne later, Dan heard a door open and footsteps come down the stairs. He braced himself for what he knew was coming.

"The next time you decide to unexpectedly flee, it would be advisable to use the front door," he heard Blair say as she stood above him, looking down. "Fleeing to the emergency exit is just embarrassing."

"Not my proudest moment," Dan admitted.

"Probably not your worst either," Blair said. Surprisingly, she didn't sound angry. "If the wedding planning was boring you so much that you couldn't take it any more, why didn't you just stop coming?"

"It's not that," Dan said. "Well, it was partly that. I have no idea why you chose me to pick out invitations or shop for your registry, but that's not why I had to leave."

"So why did you? Clearly you had nowhere else you needed to be, considering you've just been moping in a stairwell for the past twenty minutes."

Dan sighed. "You may want to sit down for this."

Blair looked at the floor, apparently trying to survey just how dirty it was. After a moment, she did as he requested and slid down next to him.

"I know this will sound stupid," Dan began, "but it hit me all at once that you'll be leaving for good. And I'll miss you."

Dan couldn't quite read the look that crossed her face, but she still didn't seem angry, so he decided to forge ahead.

"I lied to you," Dan said abruptly.

"About what?"

"About our kiss, when I said it meant nothing. It meant something to me. Did you really think I was stupid enough to think there was an up-and-comers section of the Modern Royalty photo shoot? I dressed up in that suit because I thought you wanted me there. As it turned out, you wanted Chuck," Dan said bitterly.

A wave of emotion crossed Blair's face, and she responded with a strangled, "What?"

Dan sighed. "At the time, I just knew I felt something more and I wanted to see where it went. When you said you wanted Chuck, I tried to step back, figuring we could remain friends and maybe something would happen someday. When you got engaged to Louis, I knew I didn't stand a chance. But apparently I am some blend of masochistic and pathetic, because I continued to be your friend even though I was falling for you," Dan said sadly, looking anywhere but at Blair.

"Why are you telling me this?" Blair asked. He could hear the tears in her voice, but he still couldn't bring himself to look at her.

"I just couldn't take it anymore," Dan explained and then finally looked at her, meeting her eyes. "I realized I had to tell you how I felt, even if it didn't change anything. At least now you know."

Dan could tell the instant that Blair recognized his words, because she looked away from his gaze and wiped away a stray tear. She looked down at her hands before speaking again. "I don't know what to say," Blair said.

"I just need to know something, Blair," Dan said. "I know it's pathetic how I've been pining over you. I know you're engaged to a prince. But I just need to know if I'm crazy. When we kissed, did you feel something too? I've gone back over it in my head a thousand times, and I'm pretty sure you did. But it's also possible that I'm just crazy and believed what I wanted to believe."

She didn't speak or look in his direction. He turned toward her and gently cupped her chin, forcing her to look at him. Without thinking, he leaned in and kissed her softly. She was startled at first, but she eventually responded, her mouth opening up under his. After a moment, he slowly pulled back, gauging her reaction.

After taking a moment to catch her breath, she looked him in the eye. "You're not crazy," she said softly, and then continued before the words could sink in. "I did feel something then, and I felt something just now. But I can't let it mean something, because then I'd be the crazy one."

With that, Blair stood up and raced up the stairs, leaving Dan alone with the champagne bottle.

Dan and Serena found Nate at the bar, already flirting with a girl. When he saw the two of them, he abruptly blew off the girl and waved them over to his table. The girl just shrugged and walked away.

"Hey guys," Nate said. "Can you believe you're the first of us graduating?"

Dan laughed. "Dude, if you'd stop switching majors you'd be done by now," Dan reminded him. "What's your current major again?"

"You know that I'm majoring in philosophy," Nate pouted. "You just like to make me say it so you can laugh."

"I'm not laughing at you, really," Dan said laughingly. "I still just can't quite believe that Nate Archibald found his calling from Plato and Aristotle."

"Lay off," Serena said. "Nate is one of the most rational people I know."

Dan tilted his head appraisingly. "You do have a point," Dan said. "I hear it's an excellent major for future lawyers."

"Stop sounding like my grandfather," Nate said. "Anyhow, tonight is about the graduate. First round on me!"

After the first couple of drinks, Dan began to relax and have fun with his friends. After a few more drinks, the mood switched to a more somber tone.

"I can't believe Blair Waldorf of all people is never going to have a college degree," Dan said sadly.

Nate and Serena exchanged a look, which Dan noticed. "I see you guys pitying me. It's really not necessary," Dan told them. "You should pity Blair. She's the one all alone half the time, even though she's a princess."

"No one thinks you need pity," Serena said carefully. "Maybe it's just time for you to move on. You should see graduation and this trip as a new beginning."

"You're right," Dan agreed. "I do need to move on. First, I need closure."

With a flourish, Dan whipped out his phone. Nate and Serena gaped at him like they were staring at a trainwreck, unable to look away or try and stop him.

"Blair!" he said enthusiastically when she answered.

"Are you drunk?" Blair asked in an exasperated tone.

"Of course I'm drunk. Why else would I call you at 2 am if I weren't drunk dialing?"

"Well, some of us are actually just beginning our day," Blair reminded him.

Dan felt a bit of the wind get knocked out of his sails. It felt strange to drunk dial someone over their morning coffee.

"I think you're my Chuck," Dan blurted.

"What are you rambling about, Humphrey?" Blair snapped.

"You're my Chuck," he repeated. "You're the person who keeps drawing me back in so that I can't move on with my life. So that's why I'm running away, just like you did. Except without the royal wedding part."

"Why don't you hang up now and have Nate take you home? Hopefully you won't remember this call in the morning," Blair told him. "I'll try my best to forget it too."

"Fuck that," Dan said. "You'd just love to forget it, I'm sure, and continue on once again like you don't know anything about my feelings. Serena's right; it's time that I move on. I just wish I weren't so fucking pathetic that I've spent over two years hung up on someone who clearly never gave a shit about me."

Dan was about to hang up with the last word, but Blair was quick in her rebuttal.

"So, Serena told you to move on, huh?" Blair said. "Did Serena tell you that she talked me out of leaving Louis the night before my wedding? Did she tell you the part about how I asked her what would happen if you and I got together, and she told me she wouldn't be mad, but that she didn't think that our friendship would ever be the same again?"

"No, she did not tell me that," Dan said coldly. Dan glared at Serena, who looked confused by his sudden anger toward her.

"It's just as well. I was just having cold feet, and we know that you'll never be over Serena," Blair said. "I bet you guys have already hooked up since she's been back in town."

"You know what? I've said what I wanted to say. I just wanted some closure so I could move on," Dan said angrily, feeling ashamed that Blair was at least sort of right.

"Closure on what? A few meaningless kisses that always resulted in me ending up wanting to be with another man?"

"You're right," Dan said bitterly. "I guess I just wanted to say that I'm done. I hope you and Louis have a lovely life together."

With that, Dan hung up, momentarily feeling satisfied for getting the last word in. He then noticed the appalled looks on Nate and Serena's faces.

"Dude, what was that?" Nate asked.

"Closure, like I said," Dan said defensively.

"You couldn't have done that without trying to hurt Blair?" Serena asked.

"You're one to talk about hurting people," Dan scoffed.

"What?" Serena looked confused.

"Blair told me about the night before her wedding."

A look of realization washed over Serena's face. "Dan, I'm sorry, I was just telling her the truth."

"So, Serena, tell me something," Dan said in a level voice, his glare being the only indicator of his anger. "Since you moved to California and Blair moved to Monaco, have things been the same between you?"

"No," Serena said softly as she looked down at the floor.

"Did you really think they would? Maybe you just needed to grow the hell up and realize that people change, and that real friends will remain friends even as relationships shift," Dan said. "Did it ever occur to you that Blair and I as a couple would still be there for you no matter what? If anything, wouldn't two of your closest friends being together make it easier for you as we all go our separate ways?"

"I didn't think about it like that," Serena admitted, tears beginning to fall. "I've grown up a lot since then. At the time, I just felt left out and sad. I felt like an outsider in my own life."

Serena then ran out of the bar, and Nate shot him a look that seemed to say _Are you happy now?_

Nate threw a few bills on the table and ran off after Serena. Feeling guilty, Dan followed close behind.

When they reached the outside, Dan spotted Serena entering the street, oblivious to her surroundings. When he reached the edge of the sidewalk, Dan spotted a car heading straight toward Serena. Without thinking, Dan ran after her, distantly wondering if Serena would ever look before she leapt. Nate's voice from the sidewalk was the last thing Dan heard before everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's note: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. This chapter has a bit of a different feel, but I hope everyone continues to enjoy it. My plan is to do four chapters with alternating POVs. Please let me know what you think-honestly, the great reception to this story gave me a lot of motivation to get this chapter done. So, thank you and keep reviewing! **_

As Blair stared at her phone as though it would impart some answers, she couldn't decide who she was the most furious at. On one hand, she was angry at Serena for suggesting that Dan move on. What right did Serena have to try and push Blair out of Dan's life? Blair knew that Serena managed to couch the suggestion under the guise of worrying about Dan's well-being. Serena probably even thought she had good intentions, but Blair knew part of Serena's motivations involved trying to restore the world order again. Dan was Serena's "someday", the person who would be there should Serena ever choose to settle down. Dan being closer to Blair than he was to Serena disrupted their places in Serena's world, and she was trying to get things where they should be, even if none of them lived within 3,000 miles of one another.

On the other hand, she was angry at Dan for following Serena's advice, for letting his feelings of hurt bubble to the surface and take over. Blair was well aware of the fact that their relationship had a bittersweet quality to it. There were times she would stare wistfully at her laptop for a half an hour after they spoke, missing his wry smile and the sound of his laugh. She would never admit it to anyone, but their weekly conversations had been the highlight of her existence for as long as she could remember. She tried to not get too worked up about his drunken tirade, as it wasn't the first time that he had decided it was too painful to be her friend. Usually he would call back later and sheepishly apologize, prepared with some anecdote about something he'd seen that reminded him of her and that he just had to share. However, this tirade had a bit more rancor to it. He was going to feel really ashamed when he called this time. She half-expected her phone to ring, Dan drunkenly apologizing for his outburst. She decided she wouldn't answer if he called, figuring she'd let him sweat it out for awhile.

As if on cue, her phone rang. She rolled her eyes, expecting to see Dan's name flash on the caller ID. Instead, it read "Nate." She smiled to herself: Humphrey knew she wouldn't answer for him right now, so he brought in reinforcements immediately. He knew he was deservedly in the doghouse.

"Hello, Nate," Blair said. "Or is this Dan on Nate's phone?"

"Blair..." Nate started before Blair interrupted him.

"So it is Nate," Blair said. "If Dan put you up to this, just tell him to call me himself and apologize. Delegating his apology is not going to work."

"Blair, it's not that..." Nate tried again.

"What happened with Chuck this time?" Blair asked in an exasperated tone.

Blair sighed inwardly. If Nate wasn't calling about Dan, then he was calling about Chuck. Like clockwork, Nate would call every six months to tell her that Chuck was going through something and needed her. One time Serena's cousin turned out to be a con-artist who seduced Chuck and absconded with all his money, sending Chuck into a tailspin until he was able to track down his money. Blair had asked Nate what she could do to help, and Nate had sighed and told her it was probably best if she stayed out of it, that he had just been worried. There was always something with Chuck, some issue that would make him more self-destructive than usual for a week. This of course was the only time he seemed to "need" her.

"Blair, it's not Chuck," Nate said. "I'm having a hard time saying this, so could you please let me finish?"

Blair was silent then. Nate rarely became impatient so quickly.

"Blair," Nate started again. "After you got off the phone with Dan, Serena and Dan got into a fight and Serena ran into the street..."

Blair gasped. "Is Serena okay?"

"Yeah, Serena's fine," Nate said.

"Does she need me to come home and help her through her PTSD?" Blair scoffed.

"Blair," Nate said, his voice sounding sad. "It's not Serena...It's Dan. He pushed Serena out of the way of a car, and he was hit. It's bad."

"How bad?" Blair asked, a million thoughts racing through her head, leaving her feeling emotionally numb.

"They don't know for sure yet. He's in surgery," Nate explained.

"Well, thank you for letting me know," Blair said calmly. "I will be sure to send a lovely flower arrangement. Please keep me updated if anything changes."

"Blair," Nate sighed as though he felt sorry for her. 

"Stop saying my name like that," Blair snapped. "I'm sad to hear Humphrey's hurt, and I appreciate your call. It's hard to live far away and be out of the loop. I don't know what you want from me; I'm fond of Humphrey and I hope he pulls through, but we hardly have the sort of relationship where I hop on the first plane because he's hurt."

"Blair," Nate said softly. "I don't know anything about your relationship with Dan outside of what he tells me, which isn't much. Serena's barely coherent right now and could really use you here. If you don't feel like you have anything to say to Dan while you still have the chance, then come for Serena."

"Is it really that bad?" Blair asked tentatively, blinking back tears.

"Yeah, it's that bad," Nate said. "I'd get here as soon as you can."

After hanging up with Nate, Blair sat at the breakfast table in stunned silence. Outside of the servants scattered around, she was alone at the palace. Louis was in Paris for the week, doing important royal things which didn't include her. For the first six months of their marriage, she had traveled with him. Soon, she realized there wasn't much for her to do outside of making small talk at meals. She couldn't even go shopping or explore, as she quickly had found out that Gossip Girl had not prepared her for the attention and scrutiny she would face as the American wife of a French prince. She hated reading the stories about her, cringing each time she was identified as "Blair Waldorf, the American socialite and wife of Prince Louis." She wanted to scream, "Waldorf women are not socialites!" but realized that she really had nothing to back up the claim. After all, she dropped out of college to get married and live a life of leisure. That was pretty much the definition of a socialite, though she supposed the royal status at least gave her an upgrade over the Paris Hiltons of the world.

Right now, she was glad that Louis wasn't there. It made it easier for her to make arrangements without too many questions being asked. First, she arranged for a plane to take her to New York within the hour. Then she called Louis, knowing he wouldn't pick up while he was in meetings. She left him a brief message telling him that Serena's brother had been in a terrible accident, and that she was taking a plane to New York to help support the family. She promised she'd call when she got in.

Blair settled into her seat on the plane, the weight of the past few hours hitting her hard. She pushed thoughts of her argument with Dan out of her head, unwilling to believe that could be their last conversation. If it was, she hoped he would feel some satisfaction that he got in the last word, not to mention finding a pretty dramatic way to achieve closure.

Reaching into her bag, she pulled out a book and stared at the cover. It was her copy of _Inside_, her second edition which had his name on the cover. Just seeing his name, "Daniel Humphrey," staring back at her gave her some small amount of comfort. She opened the book and tried to read, hoping that reading his words would make her feel like he was there with her. Instead, her mind began to wander, and she thought about the first time she read the book.

After their little interlude in the stairwell, they hadn't spoken much, and Blair threw herself full force into planning her wedding. Before she knew it, she was married. Dan did attend the wedding, and Blair spotted him sitting by Nate near the front. A small part of her wondered if he would try and stop her, but she knew he had already said his peace. She had made her choice, and he was going to respect her decision.

Several months went by, and she still didn't hear from Dan. She would occasionally hear about him from Serena, just passing comments about how he was doing. When Louis was busy during the day, she would sometimes want to call Dan to talk about what she was reading or the movie she had just watched. When Blair tried to engage her husband in such conversations, Louis would generally nod absently, giving her a fond smile and telling her he loved how well-read she was. He liked that it gave her a lot to talk about when they were at events.

The thing was, all her culture and education had not prepared her for said events. She was definitely an outsider. She quickly discovered that the children of royalty and dignitaries ran in the same circles, and their familiarity with one another made it difficult to fit in. While they were born into their roles, they were skeptical of those from the outside, especially supposed social climbing socialites.

After Blair had been married for about four months, she had reached her lowest point. The excitement and newness of her new status had begun to wear off, and she saw a future of forced social interactions and endless small talk. She hadn't felt so alone since Serena had left for boarding school.

At around that time, she attended a particularly horrible party where she found herself engaged in conversation with an Italian princess who was about her age.

"You're the American Prince Louis married, correct?" the woman asked, giving her a once over.

"Yes, I am married to Louis," Blair responded.

"When you're back home, you must give my best to Chelsea," she told Blair. "That girl is really such a dear, and we all admire someone of her stature being so ambitious. Of course, even the Bush twins seem to be trying to make a name for themselves. I suppose that's how the American children of powerful people are. So what did you study in school?"

"I hadn't decided on a major yet," Blair said, looking down on the ground. "I was interested in pursuing something in fashion, like my mother Eleanor Waldorf."

"Oh, that's right, your mother is Eleanor Waldorf," the princess said. "She always has a cute little show during Paris fashion week. Maybe she will get more notoriety here because of your marriage."

"My mother is very successful," Blair said defensively.

"Oh, I'm sure she's quite well-known in _New York_ fashion circles," the woman said patronizingly. "Are you a designer as well?"

"No, I was hoping to get into the fashion magazine industry," Blair said. "I am excited about the potential fashion influence I can have now just by what I wear. My goal always was to be an arbiter of taste."

"Look who thinks she's Kate Middleton now."

Before Blair could respond, Louis came over to whisk her into another conversation. When they arrived home that night, Louis handed her a book that had been laying on the dresser.

"It looks like this arrived for you today," Louis said. "There's a note that said it was in an unmarked box addressed to you, so they had to open it to make sure it was safe."

"_Inside _by Anonymous," Blair read aloud. "I don't know why anyone would send this to me."

"You're always looking for something new to read," Louis said and kissed her softly on the forehead. "Are you going to sleep now? I have to be up early."

Blair shook her head. "My curiosity has been piqued. I think I need to try and solve the mystery."

Louis looked at her fondly. "This will give you something interesting to do," he said. "I know you've been bored lately."

"I'm just adjusting," Blair said. "Goodnight. I will let you know if I solve the mystery."

Blair had her answer within the first paragraph.

"Sabrina?" Blair scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Oh, Humphrey."

Blair stayed up all night, devouring the book. In the morning, Louis found her in the sitting area as she was reading the final chapter.

"Any closer to solving your mystery?" he asked as he leaned in to kiss her good morning, already fully dressed.

"No," Blair said shaking her head. "I have no idea who sent it to me."

At least that last part was true. She was pretty sure Dan had not sent her the book.

After Louis left, Blair finished the book. Without thinking, she picked up her phone and dialed.

"Hello?" Dan's groggy voice greeted her. It was about 2 am his time.

"Get some coffee, Humphrey," Blair said. "I want you awake for this."

There was a pause, and then, "Oh, shit. You've read it."

"An unmarked package arrived last night. I stayed up all night reading it," Blair told him, her voice giving nothing away.

"Blair, I'm really sorry," Dan said quickly. "I never intended for it to be published. Vanessa found it and sent it to a publisher, and frankly I have no idea how she could legally even do that. Maybe I should see if Cyrus will talk to me about that, because I'm pretty pissed, though what area of law does he practice anyhow? Anyway, just so you know, I assured everyone that the ending was purely fictional and the book was not a memoir, just a satire loosely based on the events of my life. Everyone seems to accept that I took a lot of poetic license, especially where you're concerned."

Blair wished she had taken her own advice and had coffee, because her sleep deprived brain was not ready for Dan's flood of words. It had been a long time since she had conversed with anyone who spoke so fast and her brain was rusty.

"Are you done?" Blair asked tersely.

"Uh, I think so."

"Good, because I won't ever repeat what I'm about to tell you," Blair told him solemnly.

"Okay..."

"I'm sorry," Blair said.

Dan laughed. "For what? There are a few possibilities."

"I'm sorry for how I treated you in high school, especially when you and Serena first got together and I was mean to you just because you weren't one of us," Blair said. "Later on, at least some if it was because you drove me crazy, so I'm less sorry for that."

There was silence on the other end of the line, which was long enough that Blair momentarily thought they'd been disconnected before Dan finally spoke.

"Are you not quite as equipped for royal soirees as you expected?" Dan asked gently.

Blair's eyes filled with tears. She wanted to ask him how he knew, but she knew the answer without asking. He had always been uncommonly gifted at seeing right through her.

"That's neither here nor there," Blair huffed. "When I read how isolated you felt, I felt bad for contributing to that. You didn't deserve it."

"Thank you, Blair," Dan said. "It's funny you say that, because the general consensus seems to be that I come across as a self-righteous asshole in the book who deserved to be treated poorly."

"That's true," Blair laughed. "However, I think I'm pretty familiar with what a defense mechanism looks like."

"I think I'm just going to leave that one alone," Dan chuckled.

"So who all has read the book?" Blair asked.

"Right now? Just friends and family and a handful of critics. I wanted to give everyone a heads up," Dan said. "The next edition will have my name on it. I obviously didn't do a good job of masking identities, so there's no use hiding. The wide release should happen in about a month, and I apologize for any scrutiny you get. I will continue to claim anything involving the two of us is purely fictional, which sadly, most of it is."

"And how is everyone taking it?"

"Better than you'd think," Dan said. "Nate and Serena got a little huffy, and my dad is disappointed that I was seemingly cruel to Lily in parts. Overall, everyone is actually pretty understanding."

"It's because you're really on the inside now," Blair teased. "We protect our own."

"I suppose," Dan said with a laugh. He paused for a moment. "So, I had actually been thinking of giving you a call this week."

"Why's that? To actually include me in this warning about the book?"

"No," Dan said. "I have to write an essay on Degas for my art history class, and frankly, I still just don't get the point. All I see are a lot of frilly tutus."

"If you hadn't started our little incident at W, then you would have gotten my commentary at the exhibit," Blair reminded him.

"I know," Dan said. "I deeply regret that more than ever now."

"I suppose I could find the time to talk you through some of the finer points," Blair said with a sigh.

When Blair's plane arrived, she was met by a chauffeur sent by the Consulate. She had the driver take her directly to the hospital. On the way over, Blair fidgeted nervously in her seat. She was scared of what news might be facing her when she arrived. Even if there was no news, she had no idea what she was going to say when she arrived at the hospital. Half the people who would be there would likely question what Blair was doing at the hospital.

When Blair stepped into the waiting area, she took a moment to observe the scene in front of her. Rufus, Lily, Serena and Eric were seated in a cluster, all looking tired and somber. Nate was right next to them, sitting two seats from Serena, looking like he was trying to be close by without imposing on the family. Allison and Jenny were huddled in a corner a few feet away. Jenny looked young and terrified, her eyes clear of makeup as she sat in her chair with her arms wrapped around her knees, rocking back in forth in an unsteady rhythm. Blair sighed in relief when Nate was the first person to spot her. He jumped out of his seat and pulled her into his arms. She savored the comforting feeling of his embrace for a moment before pulling back.

"How is he?" Blair asked. It seemed clear that there was no good news because Nate looked terrible. He looked tired and disheveled, his hair sticking in all directions. His facial hair had already grown past the five o'clock shadow stage into something much scruffier. Blair took some solace in the fact that Nate was even still here at all-if they had received the ultimate bad news, then Nate would likely have left the hospital by now.

"He's out of surgery, but there was a lot of trauma," Nate said. "There's some swelling in his brain, so he's still unconscious. The doctors are saying the next 24 hours will be really important. If he doesn't wake up by then, they're going to start worrying about brain damage."

Blair stepped back from Nate as though she had been struck. On the way to New York, she had worried about whether Dan would pull through. She had not considered the possibility of him living but not making a full recovery. She couldn't think of anything worse than a world with Dan Humphrey in it who wasn't really _Dan_. She tried to imagine what Dan Humphrey would be like without his intelligence, quick wit and never ending stream of words. It was so much a part of who he was, it was almost more devastating to consider this possibility than to think of him dying.

Nate grabbed her shoulders and looked her in the eye. "It's going to be okay. You know Lily is making sure that Dan has the best doctors possible," Nate said reassuringly. "He's really strong willed; he'll find a way to pull through."

"He is pretty stubborn," Blair said with a sad smile.

"So are you," Nate said softly. "I'm really glad you came."

"Me too," Blair said. She tried to compose herself, wiping away tears and straightening her posture. "I should go be with Serena, considering she's the reason I'm here."

"I'll take you to her," Nate said, grabbing her hand and walking her over to a chair where Serena sat, staring blankly ahead.

Blair crouched down so she was at eye level with Serena. "S, how are you holding up?" Blair asked gently.

Serena's eyes opened wide, startled. "B, thank you so much for coming," she said as she pulled Blair into a hug.

"Nate said you needed me, so I arranged for a plane right away," Blair said.

Serena gave her a skeptical look, but apparently decided not to question Blair's motives. "You're a really good friend, B," Serena finally said.

"I've been sitting on a plane for hours, and you look like you could use a change of scenery," Blair said. "Do you want to go get some coffee?"

Serena contemplated this for a second and nodded. She turned to her mother. "Mom, I'm going to get coffee with Blair. Can you let me know if anything changes?"

Lily gave Blair an inscrutable look then turned to her daughter. "Of course, dear. You girls go catch up. Thank you for coming, Blair. I know it means a lot to Serena."

"She'd do the same for me if anyone in my family were in the hospital," Blair said politely.

By this point, everyone in the room had noticed Blair's presence. Blair felt Rufus and Jenny stare at her questioningly. Out of the corner of her eye, Blair saw Nate sit beside Jenny, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Nate gave Blair a subtle nod from across the room, indicating he'd take care of Jenny for the time being.

Blair and Serena sat down in the cafeteria with their coffees, neither saying a word for a few moments.

"Are you sure you don't need anything to eat, S?" Blair asked. "I know it was a long night and I bet you didn't eat any breakfast."

"I could say the same to you," Serena shrugged.

"I'm not the one whose step-brother slash ex-boyfriend is in the hospital," Blair said. "I'm here to make sure you're okay."

"Blair, are you really going to keep up this facade?" Serena asked edgily. "I'm not saying you're not here partly to be with me, but I think you're stretching your Dan denial a little far."

"Don't you remember? Dan's moved on. He got closure. It might have been his final act on this earth," Blair said bitterly, tears springing into her eyes. Blair saw Serena soften a little at her words.

"B, I'm sorry about my role in that," Serena said. "He was just so sad, and when I told him he needed to move on I didn't mean he needed to cut you out. We actually started to argue because I scolded him for hurting you."

"And his response was enough to send you into oncoming traffic?"

Serena sighed. "You're the one who told him about the night before your wedding," Serena said. "That's what he was mad about. He basically called me selfish and immature, and I had never seen him look at me like that. I couldn't take it so I ran."

"You knew Dan would feel bad and immediately run after you," Blair said. "The least you could have done was look both ways before you crossed the street."

"This isn't my fault," Serena said firmly. "I feel horrible about everything, but it's not my fault."

"No, nothing's ever your fault," Blair scoffed.

"What was the point of even telling Dan about the night before your wedding? You were never going to choose him over a prince," Serena said coldly. "Of course, if I had told you to run off with Dan and it blew up in your face, that would probably have been my fault too."

Blair felt like cold water had been splashed in her face. Serena was right. While Serena played a role in seemingly all of Blair's decisions, Blair ultimately had to take responsibility for her own actions. Blair felt her eyes fill with tears.

"Well, you are the one who brought him into our lives," Blair said with a watery smile.

Serena met Blair's eyes, and suddenly both of them burst into a fit of laughter. Blair felt like she was going crazy, knowing how inappropriate it was to laugh right then. She felt the anger leave her, but it was replaced by a crushing wave of sadness. Suddenly, Blair felt herself sobbing uncontrollably. As soon as Serena noticed Blair's tears, she moved across the table to sit next to Blair, pulling her into her embrace.

"S, what if he's not okay?" Blair asked quietly as her sobs subsided.

"Then we'll have to help each other through it," Serena said. There was a brief pause before Serena spoke again.

"B, I know you keep saying you're here for me," Serena said tentatively. "But visiting hours started a half an hour ago, and I know it would mean a lot to Dan if you saw him."

"What would I even say?" Blair asked.

"Just tell him the truth," Serena said simply.

"What if I don't even know what that is right now?"

"Then tell him that," Serena said comfortingly, stroking her hair.

When Blair and Serena stepped into Dan's room, they were greeted by two sets of Humphrey eyes. Jenny was sending Blair a death glare while Allison just looked at her questioningly. No one seemed to doubt why Serena was there.

"Any change?" Serena asked.

"No," Jenny said. "What's _she_ doing here?"

"She came into town to help support me," Serena said calmly. "I know there can only be two people in the room. Would you mind if I sat with him a few minutes? There are some things I want to say."

Jenny gave Blair a skeptical look, but apparently decided not to press the issue. "Okay, let us know when you leave so we can send my dad in," Jenny responded.

Allison quietly stood up and gave her son a soft kiss on the forehead, not saying a word to Blair or Serena. Jenny followed her out.

Blair stood near the entrance, staring at Dan. His face was bruised and there was a bandage wrapped around his head, but otherwise he looked more or less like himself.

"I'll be right outside," Serena said, squeezing her hand.

"S, you don't have to leave," Blair said.

"I think you need to do this on your own," Serena replied. "I'll spend time with him after you're done. I have a few things I need to say myself."

Blair smiled sadly. "Thank you."

After Serena left, Blair sat down in the chair next to the bed. She reached for Dan's hand and held it in both of hers.

"I know you told me that you needed closure," Blair said. "But you should know by now that I tend to do the opposite of what you tell me to do."

She continued to stroke his hand and stare at his face, which was peaceful as though he were merely asleep.

"I had my doubts that you could actually be rendered speechless," Blair told him. "There have been so many times where all I wanted was for you to just be quiet. Now, I would give anything to hear your voice."

There was still no sign of life, and Blair started to cry again in earnest. "I don't even know why I'm here," Blair said. "Of course, even in your comatose state you probably saw right through that lie, though it seems that your ability to read me ends when it comes to how I feel about you. Of all the things you said to me on the phone, the worst part was when you told me I didn't give a shit about you. I honestly don't have a word for what you mean to me. The word 'friend' sounds trite, but I'm married so you can't be anything more than that. Just know that our conversations are the best thing in my life right now, that they are the one time each week I get to feel like myself again. I'm sorry if I've been selfish with your feelings. As much as talking with you makes me happy, if you really need us to stop then we'll stop. Just please don't feel like you mean nothing to me, because that's just not true."

In Blair's mind, she expected him to wake up at the power of her words. In the movie of her life, Dan would slowly blink awake right now and then make some snarky remark. She would give him a tentative smile as she continued to stroke his hand, reminding him without words that she was there for him. In reality, Dan just laid there peacefully, his heart monitor the only sound in the room.

Blair couldn't sit there any longer. She jumped out of her chair and fled the room, almost running right into Serena.

"S, I have to go," she told Serena hurriedly. "I'll come back later. Let me know if anything changes."

When Blair got into the car, she unthinkingly told the driver to take her to the loft. Now that she stood outside the door, key in hand, she wondered just what she was doing here.

She smiled at the memory of Dan giving her the key shortly after she got back into town. She had quickly gotten into the habit of just dropping in at the loft, sometimes demanding that he go on some wedding related errand with her and sometimes just to relax and watch a movie. Eventually Dan had just given her a key, telling her it seemed like a better solution than him having to drop whatever he was doing to let her in if he wasn't home.

With a deep breath, she put the key in the lock and opened the door. When she stepped inside, she was pleased to see that everything was just as she remembered it. She felt closer to him standing amongst his things than she had sitting by his slumbering body in the hospital.

The weight of the past twelve hours hit her all at once, and she felt drained. On instinct, she stumbled into Dan's room and laid on his bed as though she had done it a million times. She burrowed her head into his pillow and quickly fell into an exhausted slumber.

Blair was startled awake by the sound of footsteps and the sense that she was being watched. She slowly opened her eyes and sat up. She found herself looking straight into the angry and confused eyes of Jenny Humphrey. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Jenny asked. "You don't even _like_ Dan, and I know you can afford a hotel if for some reason you couldn't go to your own home."

Blair gathered herself quickly and met Jenny's gaze head on. "I'm here for Serena," she said. "Serena asked me to get a few of his things to personalize his room. I was so tired from jet lag that I laid down and meant to just rest my eyes, but I must have fallen asleep."

Blair stood up and grabbed the Cabbage Patch doll from Dan's shelf. "I was going to bring him Cedric," Blair said. "What else do you think he would want?"

Jenny looked at her skeptically, clearly not buying her story. At that moment, Jenny's phone started to ring. A second later, so did Blair's. Blair looked at Jenny and their eyes met. They exchanged a brief, terrified look.

Jenny's eyes filled with panicked tears. "Blair, please, I don't think I can..." Jenny pleaded.

Blair blinked back her own tears and nodded before answering her phone. "Hey, S," Blair said cautiously, fearing the worst.

"B, he's awake!" Serena exclaimed. "I was sitting in his room with him, and his eyes opened and he recognized me and Nate right away. The doctors said this was huge, and it looks like he's going to be okay."

Blair smiled widely in relief. "That's really good news, S," Blair said. "I'm actually at the loft with Jenny, so I'll let her know."

There was a pause, and Blair was sure that Serena wanted to ask why she was at the loft.

"Okay, I'll see you later?" Serena said. "I'm sure he wants to talk to you."

"I'll come by later after the rush of visitors dies down," Blair said. "You go be with your family."

After she hung up, Blair met Jenny's relieved gaze. "He's really going to be okay?" Jenny asked hopefully.

"Sounds like it," Blair said.

"Thank you, Blair," Jenny said sincerely. "I was sure it was bad news, and I just couldn't hear my dad say those words."

"You'd rather hear them from me?" Blair asked.

"I didn't really think it through," Jenny admitted. "But I think I'd rather associate your voice with that moment than my dad's."

"You should go back to the hospital and see him," Blair said. "I know he'll be excited to see you."

"Aren't you going to bring the stuff like Serena wanted?" Jenny asked with one eyebrow raised.

Blair looked down at the doll she was still holding. "No, I think I'm just going to my own home and catch up on some sleep," she said, handing Jenny the doll. "You go ahead and take this to him. I'll drop by at some point before I head back to Monaco. I'm sure Dan will be surrounded by all the people who love him for the foreseeable future."

"Okay," Jenny said. "It was really...weird to see you."

"Likewise," Blair said. "Take care, Little J. I'm glad your brother is going to be okay."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Notes: Thanks for all the reviews and feedback. I really appreciate it. This chapter took me awhile to try and get right, so I hope it works. The next one is the last one, so stay tuned. Thanks for sticking with me thus far. **_

For a multitude of reasons, Dan had tried to avoid talking about Blair. At first, Eric had been his confidante, but as Eric's concern for him grew, Dan had promised Eric he'd stop talking to Blair. At the time, he'd meant what he'd said and told Blair he couldn't keep talking to her so regularly. This happened about a year ago, and Dan had lasted an entire two weeks before he'd felt compelled to call her again. A week after that is when they upgraded to weekly video chats.

While he occasionally let something slip to Nate when he was a few beers to the wind, Dan was reasonably successful at keeping his relationship with Blair close to the vest. That is, until Dan woke up in the hospital as a result of trying to cut himself off from Blair again. Now all anyone wanted to talk about was Blair.

His father seemed strangely proud that Dan had merited a trip home from Monaco. Eric slyly mentioned Blair's panicked cameo in the wait area. Even Lily joined in, telling him with a knowing smile how Blair was doing so much to support Serena.

Jenny gave him the most surprising information, relayed to him in typical Jenny fashion.

"What the hell is going on with you and Blair?" Jenny asked by way of greeting, as though Dan had not just woken from a coma. "I found her at the loft passed out on your bed. She claimed she had come to bring some of your things to the hospital for Serena, but she was totally lying."

Dan stared at his sister, not quite knowing what to say. He noticed that she was holding his Cabbage Patch Kid.

"You brought me Cedric?" Dan asked, smiling.

"Technically, Blair sent Cedric with me," Jenny said. "Though that was just part of her cover."

"What do you think she was covering up? Her sudden poverty that requires her to squat at the loft?" Dan asked.

"Whatever," Jenny said, rolling her eyes. "Blair was sleeping in your bed like she's done it a million times. Frankly, I didn't think you had it in you to have an adulterous affair with a princess."

"I can assure you, that is the first time Blair has ever slept in my bed," Dan said. He figured Jenny didn't need to know it wasn't the first time that Blair had slept at the loft.

Jenny looked at him skeptically, then seemed to accept that he was telling the truth. "Well, it's still really weird. And she was totally lying," Jenny said.

"It's good to see you, Jen," Dan said sincerely. "I miss you."

Jenny's face softened, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm glad you're awake," she said. "Sorry that wasn't the first thing I said when I came in."

"It's okay," Dan said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm sure the sight of Blair Waldorf in my bed was really disturbing for you."

Jenny didn't respond initially, and looked thoughtful for a moment. "It really was disturbing," she said finally. "It was almost as traumatizing as thinking you were going to die."

If Jenny presented him with the most interesting piece of information, Nate and Serena were certainly the most persistent in mentioning Blair. For two people who were so concerned about his relationship with Blair hurting him emotionally, they now seemed very eager to talk about Blair.

It started almost the moment he blinked awake, distantly aware of Nate and Serena's solemn voices and a beeping noise he didn't recognize.

"Serena….Nate?" Dan had asked, confused. His voice felt scratchy and unused. "What happened? Where am I?"

They both beamed at him, the biggest smiles he'd ever seen either of them wear. He absently wondered if they were both high.

"You're awake!" Serena said, her smile getting even broader.

"Dude, you really scared us," Nate said.

Dan stared at them, hoping one of them would answer his questions.

"You're in the hospital," Serena finally said, grabbing his hand. "You were hit by a car."

Suddenly, Dan remembered running into the street after Serena, his actions driven completely by instinct. He never saw the car coming at him.

"Were you hurt?" Dan asked.

"I'm fine," Serena assured him. "You, however, have been in a coma for almost 24 hours."

"You've had a big line of visitors," Nate told him. "Your whole family has been here; even Chuck came by briefly. "

"Chuck?" Dan asked, amused by the thought of Chuck visiting him in the hospital. "Was he hoping to pull the plug?"

"He did mention that he was disappointed to discover you weren't on a respirator, but I'm pretty sure he was kidding," Nate said.

"Blair was here," Serena said softly. "She flew in as soon as she heard."

"She was really worried about you," Nate chimed in.

The memory of the phone call came crashing down on him, flooding his senses. He decided a subject change was in order.

"Uh, you guys," Dan started. "Not that I don't love talking to you two, but does anyone else know I'm awake?"

Nate and Serena exchanged a look, their eyes almost bugging out.

"I'll go tell the doctor," Nate said.

"I'll go tell the family," Serena said.

They both practically flew out of the room, leaving Dan alone with his thoughts.

It went on like this for three days. Dan had a near constant stream of visitors. He was pretty sure they had crafted some sort of schedule to ensure that he was only alone at night when it was time to sleep. It had been nice reconnecting with his mom and sister, both of whom had been to his room every day.

Nate and Serena also came by every day, each time with a new excuse to explain Blair's absence.

"Blair said she didn't want to impose on your time with your family," Serena told him on the first day.

"That was very polite of her," Dan said, shooting Nate a teasing glance.

"Hey, we're bros," Nate protested. "That's like family."

On the second day, it was Nate's turn to be Blair's representative.

"Blair is really exhausted. She says the jet lag is hitting her really hard," Nate told him. "She didn't want to look haggard for the paparazzi."

"I'm sure she needs her beauty sleep," Dan said agreeably.

On the third day, Serena and Nate looked sad when they entered his room.

"What's wrong? Do I look worse today? Don't let the beard fool you; I'm really doing a lot better," Dan told them reassuringly.

"It's not that," Serena said. "Blair said she couldn't come with us today because she's packing to head back to Monaco tonight."

"Oh," Dan said, hoping his tone didn't betray him. "Well, now that I'm out of the woods there's no reason for her to stay. It was nice of her to come in case there was a funeral."

"Dan…" Serena started sympathetically.

"It's really okay," Dan interrupted. "I'm the one who told her we needed to back off. For once, it appears she listened to me."

"I think she doesn't know what to say," Serena said. "It was a lot easier when you were in a coma."

"It must have been really inconvenient for her when I woke up," Dan said bitterly.

"Hey, man, don't be like that," Nate said. "That helped get you here in the first place."

"You're right," Dan said. "I'm just tired and ready to get out of the hospital."

"We can go if you need to rest," Nate said.

"If you don't mind, I'm pretty tired," Dan said, yawning. "I'm probably just going to go to sleep early. Hopefully the more I sleep the sooner I get to leave."

After Nate and Serena left, Dan let the disappointment sink in. He hadn't realized just how much he was looking forward to seeing her in person. After all the talk about her visit to New York, he had half-expected to see her walk through the door ever since he woke up. Rationally he knew it was probably best for both of them if she stayed away, but it hadn't stopped him from hoping she'd come anyway.

With a sigh, Dan closed his eyes, feeling worn out from talking to people all day.

The sound of high heels clicking on the linoleum woke Dan up. No one had turned the light off in his room yet, so he squinted from the fluorescent lights as he opened his eyes. Standing in front of him was Blair Waldorf, making her grand entrance right at the moment he'd given up on her.

"You know, there are better ways to become a literary icon than to die young in a heroic, tragic accident," she said as she sat down in the chair by his bed.

He smiled sardonically. "So what opening lines did you reject before deciding on that one?"

"I might have considered saying something about how you really need to learn that Serena is the type of girl who stops traffic, so your white knight efforts were wasted on her, but that seemed kind of catty," Blair said, smiling back at him.

"It's good to see you," Dan said simply, deciding it was best not to engage in any conversation that involved Serena. He paused, then shot her a sheepish grin. "So, would you believe me if I told you I remember absolutely nothing about the night of the accident?"

"I might believe it," Blair said thoughtfully. "I hear people suffer from selective amnesia when they want to block out specific traumatic events."

"That sounds about right," Dan said. "The last thing I remember is talking to you on video chat. Apparently everything after that was pretty traumatic."

"Must have been," Blair agreed. "Do you need me to help you put together the puzzle pieces?" She raised a challenging eyebrow at him.

Dan sighed. He never was any good at games. "Blair, I'm sorry about that phone call," he said, hoping his sincerity was evident in his voice. "While I think it might be healthy if we took a step or two back while I'm on my trip, I really wasn't even angry at you. I was angry at myself, and I took it out on you."

"You sounded angry at me," Blair pointed out.

"Apparently I am pretty convincing when I'm projecting," Dan said. "Look, you know how I feel about you. Unfortunately, even though you're married, those feelings seem to be getting stronger instead of going away. Most days I can live with it, but that night Eric caught me on video chat, then Serena and Nate gave me these pitying looks whenever I brought up your name. It was like I could see how pathetic I was from the outside, and you made for an excellent scapegoat."

"Considering right after that you almost died when a car mowed you down, I suppose I'll go ahead and forgive you," Blair said, reaching forward and grabbing his hand.

They sat in silence for a long moment. Dan wanted to appreciate her nearness, knowing that she was probably heading straight for the airport from here. Blair looked deep in thought, as though she were contemplating her next words.

"Why did you do it?" Blair asked, breaking the silence.

"Why did I do what?" Dan asked, unsure of what she meant.

"Why did you jump into the street after Serena?"

"Honestly, I don't know," Dan said with a shrug. "I think it was purely instinct. You know I'd do the same for you."

Blair laughed mirthlessly. "Believe it or not, I'm not jealous of the fact that you ran in front of a car for Serena. I have no doubt you'd do the same for me. Or Jenny. Or Nate. Or your dad. Probably even Vanessa, even after everything. It's just who you are."

"I'm not sure I follow your question," Dan said, confused.

"The thing is, of all the people on the long list of people you'd stupidly risk your life for, Serena is the one who always needs the saving," Blair said. "I just think maybe it's time that you let her face the consequences of her carelessness."

"You don't think she has?"

"I think she feels bad about the collateral damage she leaves in her wake, but I don't think she's ever faced real consequences," Blair said.

"You know, I've given this some thought," Dan said, squeezing Blair's hand but keeping his eyes focused straight ahead. "I actually think our relationship is the biggest consequence of her carelessness. Think about it: that day of Eric's birthday, there must have been about fifty hints that we were hanging out, and she didn't even ask either of us about it later. She was too hung up on Ben to care then. Later, she was supposedly mad at us because we were lying to her, but neither of us really needed to lie. She just never bothered to ask the right questions until we'd already formed a bond."

"And how was that a consequence for her? Aren't we just more collateral damage?"

"We blew up her world order, and it happened when she wasn't paying attention. I'd say that's a pretty big consequence," Dan explained, looking Blair in the eye for the first time since he started speaking.

"That's quite a theory you have," she said lightly. She removed her hand from his and leaned up to lightly kiss his still bandaged forehead. "I'm glad I came home," she said softly into his ear.

"When are you leaving?" he asked, bracing himself for her answer.

"I was going to leave tonight, but I had a change in plans," Blair said cheerfully, stepping back from Dan's hospital bed. "Louis called and told me he thinks I should spend time back home. He has some stuff he needs to finish up, but he is going to come meet me in New York in two weeks."

"Then I'll be seeing you around, Waldorf," Dan said, unable to hide his smile.

"Looks like it," Blair said, smiling back at him.

"Is the wheelchair really necessary?" Dan complained. "I really think I can walk to the elevator, then from the elevator to bed."

After spending five days in the hospital, Dan was being released into his Dad and Lily's care after Lily promised she would hire an in-home nurse for the next two weeks to monitor his progress. While Dan was grateful to leave the hospital, he yearned to go back to the loft and get to spend some time alone. Instead, he knew he was going to be fussed over around the clock.

"Daniel, the doctor told us you should not exert yourself," Lily said in the same exasperated tone she usually reserved for Serena. "You're just going to have to accept your family's help."

Dan sighed, knowing resistance was futile. Lily had been more attentive to him that at any point Dan could recall. He wasn't sure if was because he had nearly died, because he had kept Serena out of harm's way, or because Dan's mother had been around. He figured it was some combination of all three.

His dad cheerfully rolled the wheelchair up to the towncar. Dan stopped him before he could help him out of the car and into the wheelchair.

"Dad, really, I can at least make it into the wheelchair," Dan grumbled.

"All right," his father conceded. "But I won't hear the end of it from Lily if I don't roll you all the way into your bedroom."

As his father rolled him out of the elevator into the foyer, his father stopped for a moment as Lily continued into the living.

"Son, I just wanted to tell you how happy I am that you're still with us," his father said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks, I'm glad I'm still here too," Dan said. "Why did you feel the need to stop here and tell me that?"

"Because it's probably the last moment I'll have alone with you for awhile," his father told him as he pushed him into the living room. Dan was speechless when he saw the collection of people who awaited him in the living room in front of a big sign that read, "Welcome Home, Dan." Serena, Nate, Eric, and Blair were standing together in one corner. In another corner stood his mother and Jenny. Chuck was even lurking around by the window. There was also a table filled with catered food, as well as two cater waiters. Dad couldn't help but shake his head at such a lavish spread for a group of fewer than ten people.

Lily walked over and possessively wrapped her arm around his father's arm. "Cece sends her best wishes," Lily said, loud enough so his mother could hear. " She was so relieved when she found out you were going to be okay. You have always been a favorite of hers."

Everyone gradually moved to circle around Dan. He felt a bit like he was under al microscope.

"Thanks for all of this," Dan said sincerely, trying to ignore any territorial battles. "You really didn't need to do all of this for me. After almost a week of hospital food, just a deli sandwich would have tasted like heaven."

"Oh Humphrey, even a near-death experience hasn't shaken your self-righteousness about the trappings of wealth," Chuck said, earning a dirty look from Nate. "I bet you never questioned who was paying your hospital bills."

"Thank you for not treating me any differently just because I almost died," Dan said, only half-sarcastically. "Just so you know, my brush with death didn't fill me with instant love for all of mankind."

While Dan had gained some perspective, he was pretty sure he would never be happy to see Chuck Bass, regardless of whether he sort of family or not.

"Well, I think I will leave you to your little party," Chuck said. "I came at Lily's behest to tell my brother that I'm glad he's not dead."

"A pleasure as always, Chuck," Dan said as Chuck sauntered off to the elevator.

"Let me go make you a plate of food," his father said, ducking away from the scrutiny of his mother.

Dan made polite small talk with everyone, basically reenacting the past five days in the hospital but with more people and better food. Eventually, everyone dispersed from around him and mingled amongst themselves. When he was left alone for a moment, his mother approached him.

"I thought you were heading back to Hudson yesterday," Dan said. "I really appreciate you coming. I know it's really hard for you to be around Dad and Lily, especially here on Lily's home turf."

"I wasn't going to come," his mother admitted. "Just like I didn't come to your graduation, which I'm really sorry for by the way."

"I'll admit I was disappointed at the time, but I see now how much you love me," Dan said. "What made you change your mind about coming today?"

"Your friend Blair cornered me at the hospital yesterday," his mother said, smiling and shaking her head. "She talked about how much it meant to her when her parents put aside their differences for her sake. She pretty much wouldn't take no for an answer."

Dan grinned. "That sounds like her," he said affectionately.

Dan barely spoke to Blair during his welcome home party. She only approached him on her way out.

"I need to get going," Blair said, not quite looking him in the eye. "It's good to see you out of the hospital."

Blair started to leave, but he grabbed her hand before she could escape. "I'm really glad you came," Dan said. "I was also really happy to see my mom here. It meant a lot to me."

"Well, I'm happy that you're happy, Humphrey," Blair said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Do you know what else would make me happy?" Dan asked, shooting her a grin.

"What?"

"If you would come over and watch movies with me tomorrow," Dan said. "Nate and Serena would grudgingly watch movies I chose if I played the home from the hospital card, but I'd rather watch with a fellow cinephile."

"I suppose I could fit that into my schedule," Blair said haughtily, but the corners of her mouth started to upturn, giving her away.

After that, Blair came by the apartment every day, movies in hand, often staying all day. For the first few days, Nate and Serena would hang out with the two of them, only occasionally complaining about their movie choices. Then Serena was called back to L.A. for an emergency script rewrite. After Serena left, Nate would still occasionally call or drop by, but for the most part Blair and Dan hung out alone. It was eerily similar to the early days of their friendship.

The night before Louis was due to arrive, they both carefully avoided the topic for the bulk of the evening, choosing to sit on Dan's bed and watch the final installment of _The Thorn Birds_ instead of talking. They had gone on a marathon, watching all eight hours of the miniseries in two days. As the closing credits rolled, Dan's eyes were misting over. He wasn't sure if it was from the tragic romance on the screen or from knowing his and Blair's time together was coming to an end.

"Are you crying, Humphrey?" Blair asked, smiling as she wiped away her own tears. "I don't think I've ever seen you cry during a movie."

"It's the painkillers," Dan said. "They seem to mess with my emotions."

"Likely story," Blair said teasingly, before leaning in close like she was telling him a secret. "I've always known you were the sensitive type."

Dan laughed wryly. "Sometimes I think it's my downfall," he said. He paused for a beat, then blurted, "So, Louis comes back tomorrow."

"Nice segue," Blair said, rolling her eyes. "Very subtle."

"Sorry, but we've probably reached the point where we should address the elephant in the room," Dan said. "I just need to know what happens after tonight."

"We live our lives, I guess," Blair said. She didn't say anything for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. She shifted awkwardly, and looked down at her hands. "I probably won't really see you once Louis is here. Louis doesn't quite know the full extent of our friendship. He also probably thinks I was here because Eric was in an accident."

"Blair," Dan said disapprovingly. He couldn't believe she'd been lying to Louis all this time. "Didn't you learn anything from the last time we were sneaking around? It just makes it look like you're trying to hide something when the truth comes out."

Blair shifted on the bed so she was looking him in the eyes. "Didn't _you_ learn anything from the last time?" she asked him meaningfully.

Dan's mind jumped back to that moment in Blair's foyer, back when their relationship was in its fledgling stages. _"We kept us a secret a secret because were afraid there was something more," _Dan remembered himself saying. As it turned out, the truth hit them both too late. While Dan's feelings had remained and even grown stronger over time, he had never really known where Blair stood following her wedding.

That is, until now. He could see the longing in her eyes as she looked at him, and he knew that his eyes would reflect back a similar yearning. She tentatively moved her hand to caress his cheek. "I don't know what I would have done if you…." she said as tears rolled down her cheeks, unable to finish the sentence.

He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her body flush against his. He was barely conscious of the small amount of pain the action caused his injuries. "You don't have to worry about that," Dan comfortingly. "I'm right here."

"I'm just so tired," Blair said into his chest. He wasn't sure what she meant precisely; there were a multitude of things she could be tired of. She didn't clarify, and he didn't press further. She raised her head to look him in the eyes, their faces inches apart. He stared back at her questioningly, not quite sure where her head was.

"You really don't know, do you?" she asked quietly before closing the distance between them. She kissed him tentatively at first, but quickly grew more confident as soon as Dan overcame his shock and kissed her back. He forced himself to shut down his brain, which was not difficult to do once she opened her mouth under his and ran her hands through his hair, pulling her body even closer to his. At some point she had moved so she had a leg on either side of his, effectively straddling him as he leaned back against the headboard.

He pulled back from the kiss, in need of oxygen. Not wanting to break the spell, he pressed his mouth to her neck. He smiled when he heard her gasp in response.

"Ever since I heard about your accident, all I could think about is how we never got to do this," Blair said breathlessly. Her words hit him hard, sending him straight back to reality.

Dan pulled back, panting as he tried to catch his breath. "I can't," he said, the words sounding strangled.

Blair's eyes widened. "Oh, God. I'm sorry, I didn't even think about your injuries…"

She moved off of him to take return to her movie-watching space by his side.

Dan laughed wryly. "While the doctor did tell me I should avoid strenuous activities, and I would like to think that what we were about to do would have qualified as strenuous, that's actually not why I stopped."

"I know you want this as much as I do," she said, confused.

"What happens next, Blair? We give in, have our moment, and we still go back to our lives? That's not what I want."

"I don't know," Blair said, not looking at him. "I just knew I wanted you."

"I think you know," Dan said sadly. He wasn't angry, just resigned. "I think our eight hours of star-crossed lovers got in your head, but in reality this would just cause more pain. I don't want just one night, or some affair. You know I want you too; the difference is that I want all of you."

"You know I can't give you that," Blair said, tears beginning to fall.

"I know," Dan said gently. He wanted to say more, explaining how most of his fantasies about the two of them weren't sexual in nature. He wanted to explain that while he did want her physically, he daydreamed about quiet mornings with coffee and literature. He wanted to be the first person she spoke to in the morning and the last person she spoke to in the evening. He knew it would be futile to tell her all of that. "I can't get in any deeper. It just may kill me," he finally said, trying to convey how much it would hurt to have her then lose her.

She gave him a light shove, surprising him. "It's really not appropriate to joke about that." He really hadn't processed his brush with death, as he wasn't conscious for any of the more critical moments. In a way, it had affected everyone around him a lot more than it had affected him.

He chuckled in disbelief, and nudged her with his shoulder, the tension between them dissipating somewhat. "And it's appropriate to shove me two weeks out of the hospital, not to mention trying to seduce me?"

"If I were trying to seduce you, we would not be talking right now," Blair said huffily.

"Now look who's being inappropriate," he teased. He let out a relieved breath. For some reason, he felt like they might actually be okay. Suddenly, he remembered something.

"You know, your graduation gift arrived while I was in the hospital," Dan said. Lily had laid the package on his nightstand, and he had decided to wait to open it with Blair present, and then had promptly forgotten all about it.

"You haven't opened it?," Blair asked, surprised. "It seems like a really insignificant gift right now."

"Is this it?" she asked, pointing to the cardboard box sitting beside her on the nightstand. He nodded, and she handed it to him. "You might as well open it."

"I didn't think ponies fit into boxes this small," Dan said, shaking it.

Blair rolled her eyes. "Just open it. Keep in mind I purchased this before you decided to play white knight."

"Duly noted," he said. He laughed and pulled a wrapped package from the shipping box. He unwrapped the gift and stared at it. "A digital pen?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I know you still have this romantic notion of carrying little notebooks with you to document your observations," she explained. "This way if you actually write something significant in one of those moments you can easily transfer it into a computer. "

"I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen," Dan said absently under his breath.

"What?" she asked tersely. "I told you it seemed insignificant now."

He actually really liked the gift, and the thought that went behind it. "I'm sorry, it just reminded me of a movie," he said. "This was really thoughtful; thank you."

"You're welcome, " she said. "It seems like I bought it in a different lifetime."

"So, I guess this is it for awhile," Dan said, still looking at the gift.

"I guess it is," Blair said wistfully. She stood up, trying to smooth the wrinkles out of her dress. He moved to stand up, but she held up a hand to halt him. "Just stay there. Lily gave me strict orders to make sure you only stood up to use the restroom and bathe."

"Well, I would tell you to say hi to Louis for me, but that probably wouldn't be a good idea," Dan said dryly.

"No, it wouldn't," Blair agreed. "You take care. I'll try to see you before I head back."

"Okay," Dan said, not sure if he believed her. "You take care too."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's notes: Thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing and sticking with this. I've never really written anything so angsty, so it's been an interesting journey. I went back and forth on how I wanted it to end, and I hope the ending is satisfying. Please review and let me know what you think.**_

Blair was beginning to wonder what was wrong with her. Her husband, an actual real-life prince who she loved, was coming to New York to spend time with her. While a part of her was excited about Louis's arrival, she was spending most of her time mourning the end of her time with Dan. While she had come to look forward to her weekly conversations with Dan, she had nearly forgotten what it was like to spend so much time with him.

While they were both vociferous talkers, they could still sit in comfortable silence as well. While she did enjoy the quiet moments with him, it definitely was their conversations which gave her renewed energy. She could feel her mind come to life in a way it never did in Monaco, where life was filled with endless pleasantries and small talk. While Louis would smile fondly whenever she disagreed with him, he would rarely engage in any sort of back-and-forth. He would usually just tell her how he loved her passion or her intelligence, then change the topic to something more agreeable. Sometimes, she appreciated how Louis could just calm her with a smile, bringing her a level of peace she had never felt in her life. Other times, she would make increasingly bold statements, hoping to bait him into an argument. He never took the bait.

Right now all Blair could feel was ambivalence about Louis's arrival. She just hoped Louis would help cure the overwhelming sense of loneliness she felt whenever she was alone in the penthouse.

Louis had insisted that she just stay at the penthouse and wait for him, that there was no need to meet his plane. It seemed strange to stay back, but she supposed she never met his plane in Monaco. This just felt somehow different, like she was failing to fulfill some wifely duty.

She sat in the living room, anxiously awaiting his arrival. When the elevator doors dinged, she jumped up to meet her husband. The moment she saw him, she knew something was wrong.

His face looked somber, and there were bags under his eyes as though he hadn't been sleeping. He came up alone, with no handlers carrying any bags. He gave her a wan smile when he saw her, and only loosely held her when she threw herself into his arms in greeting.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Blair asked, confused.

"Blair, we need to talk," Louis said calmly, pulling himself from her embrace and looking her in the eye. There was a coldness in his eyes that she had never seen before.

"Okay, let's go into the living room," Blair said anxiously, feeling as though she was heading to her execution.

Stepping into the van der Humphrey apartment, she dismissively greeted the maid before stalking into Dan's room without even bothering to knock. She found him on his bed, dozing off with a book resting on his chest. She slammed the door, causing him to jump into a sitting position. He was clearly startled, but at least looked relatively alert.

"What are you doing here? I thought you'd be with Louis," Dan said, running a confused hand through his hair, exacerbating his bedhead.

"Congratulations, Humphrey," she said bitingly. "You somehow managed to be a home wrecker without even bothering to sleep with me."

"What?" he asked, looking even more confused.

"Right after I left, Louis wanted to send flowers to Serena's brother in the hospital," Blair explained. "He was surprised to find out there was no Eric van der Woodsen in the hospital. Then someone was kind enough to do an internet search on the van der Woodsen family to help him, and apparently a best-selling author in critical condition after saving his socialite stepsister is big news."

"Blair..." Dan said sympathetically. She shook him off to silence him, wanting to finish her story.

"Of course, Louis figured out you were the brother. He also remembered you from the Pink Party, and what Serena had said about us sneaking around for months," Blair explained in a monotone, gearing up for the punchline. "This aroused his suspicions, which had always been on the backburner, and he tracked my phone and internet use, which apparently is quite easy to do when you're a prince. On top of it all, he read your book, which he had heard rumors about but had never actually read because I had assured him that it was all fiction and your romantic pipe dreams."

"I never did get any flowers," Dan said flippantly. She glared at him, furious that he could be so glib when her life was falling apart.

"That's really your response?" Blair snapped.

Dan shrugged. "It seemed better than 'I told you so'."

"Are you _enjoying_ this?"

Dan let out a put upon sigh. "No, Blair, I'm not enjoying this," he said calmly. "I'm just waiting for you to get to the part that has to do with me destroying your marriage."

"Have you not been _listening_?" In all her waxing poetic about missing him, she had forgotten just how infuriating he could be.

"First, you haven't even told me what happened after Louis discovered all this," Dan pointed out. "Second, I still fail to see how I'm responsible for you lying to your husband."

She decided to skip the first part of his statement, not quite ready to tell him everything yet. She opted to focus on the part that she blamed him for.

"I was doing perfectly fine without you in my life until your book came out," Blair said angrily. "I know what you were doing with those Degas questions; you were trying to manipulate me back into your life."

"_You_ called _me_," Dan reminded her. "And I did have an essay, though admittedly I quoted art historians and not Blair Waldorf."

"See, you're no better than Chuck, using my weaknesses to worm your way back into my life."

"Seriously, Blair? You're equating a little innocent subterfuge involving your love of Degas with being sold for a hotel?" Blair could see that Dan's calm veneer was beginning to fade. "Can you just tell me what the hell happened with Louis today?"

"You knew. You always just _know_," Blair said, feeling the sting of tears. "You could sense that I was bored. You used the fact that I needed intellectual stimulation to your advantage."

"Blair, I'm really not following, and I usually understand your particular brand of crazy."

"You made me have feelings for you, even though you knew I was married. You just kept talking to me about books and movies and art, wearing me down," she said, her voice getting increasingly shrill. "And now, you win. I'm no longer married. In fact, it turns out I was never married," Blair said bitterly.

"What are you talking about? Of course you were married. Even you can't deny that," Dan said, finally standing up from the bed and moving toward her. She absently noticed that he was moving without any obvious indication of pain, but she knew he was still under orders to stay in bed as much as possible.

"You shouldn't be standing up," she said weakly.

"I'm going to stand until you tell me what happened," he said firmly. "If I collapse, it's on you."

"Still not funny," she said, wiping away tears but smiling despite herself.

"Just tell me, Blair," he said, putting a finger beneath her chin and forcing her to look into his eyes. Even though he had every right to be angry with her, all she saw in his eyes was concern.

"Louis presented me with annulment papers," she finally admitted. "He told me that he loved me, but he could never trust me. He was just sad, almost like he had always known this would happen someday. I can't blame him for that; I never gave him any reason to trust me."

"Blair," Dan said sympathetically, reaching out to pull her into his embrace. "You're a good person. You just need to believe it yourself."

She laughed bitterly. Dan could see right through her, but in some ways he still didn't really know her. She pulled away from him, crossing her arms in front of her in a defensive posture.

"I slept with Chuck while I was engaged to Louis," Blair said abruptly. She watched Dan's face register shock and then hurt. "Louis told me he wanted to know everything about me, good and bad, and that if I was ready to give him everything then we would start at the Constance Fundraiser. He waited for me for hours, all the while I was having sex with another man. So you see, our whole relationship started with a lie."

"You slept with Chuck?" Dan asked softly, as though the wind had been knocked out of him. He slowly walked over to the bed and sat down.

"I actually told Chuck I wanted to be with him, that we had the kind of love that will always pull you back in no matter what," Blair continued. "I told him that while Louis made me happy, what was that in the face of great love? Then _Chuck_ was the one who let me go. On top of all that, I had feelings for you that I refused to act on because I could see myself with a mogul or a prince, but not someone like you. Do you still stand by your good person statement?"

She watched him, his face running through a gamut of emotions. She could tell he was angry and hurt, but most of all he just looked confused.

"I know what you're doing," Dan finally said. "You're upset about Louis, but you can't yell at him because he's not here. On top of that, you're afraid of what your feelings for me mean now that you're not married, so you're pushing me away. You're doing a hell of a job, I must say."

She had never considered that he might see through her games, but that they still might work anyway.

"I really don't know what's wrong with me," Blair said. She thought about all her past relationships, and how all of them seemed to blow up in her face, no matter how much effort she put in to making it work. "I work so hard at these relationships, trying so hard to be perfect, yet everything falls apart. It's like the harder I try, the more things blow up in my face. You need to know I'm not perfect either, that you can't put me on a pedestal like you did with Serena."

Dan chuckled mirthlessly. "When have you ever tried to be anything other than yourself with me? Do you think I'm in love with some glorified version of you that's floating around in my head?"

He had never actually told her he was in love with her before. He had alluded to such feelings, but never said the words. She could tell he regretted the words the second they left his mouth, sorry that he had used them as a weapon.

"I just don't want to hurt you," Blair said, ignoring his declaration.

"Blair, two minutes ago you were literally saying things intended to hurt me," Dan said, shaking his head. He sighed, looking exhausted. "I think we're at a bit of an impasse."

"You probably should get some rest," Blair said, feeling guilty for putting him through the ringer.

"Yeah, I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow. If all goes well, I might finally get to go home," he told her, unable to hide his excitement about returning to the loft even with the somber mood in the room.

"Well, goodnight," she sighed.

"Goodnight," he said. "For what it's worth, I'm really sorry about Louis."

She took a few steps forward, standing directly in front of him. She smoothed his hair back, then leaned forward to press a tender kiss on his forehead. "Good luck at the doctor's," she said, then turned around and left.

When she got home, she felt unsettled. She wasn't sure what she had expected from her conversation with Dan, but she had been hoping for something more definitive. Despite her best efforts, he seemed impossible to push away completely. However, he didn't exactly try to persuade her to be in a relationship with him either. The only thing she could have predicted was that he would continue to frustrate her. She wasn't sure when this had become appealing, but she had to admit she liked the challenge, especially considering it never seemed to be done with malice. He was just being himself.

Right before she drifted off to sleep, she realized that her marriage had ended that day, yet all her thoughts had been of Dan. She almost felt like the legal fiction of her annulment was true. It was as though the past two years had been some sort of dream that never happened. The problem was, this left her roughly in the same place as she was when she kissed Dan and left him standing in her foyer.

She was awakened by someone entering her room. She bolted upright, yanking her sleeping mask off.

"_Nate_? What the hell are you doing here?"

Nate maybe wasn't the last person she expected to see, but he certainly wasn't who she would have predicted would enter her room unannounced. She wasn't entirely sure if it was a welcome sight or not.

"Hey," Nate said sheepishly. "I didn't mean to wake you. It's almost ten o'clock, so I figured you'd be up."

She looked at the clock skeptically, as though Nate somehow was incapable of properly telling time. Sure enough, Nate was correct. She couldn't believe she had slept so long.

"Go downstairs and make coffee," she ordered. Nate raised his eyebrows at her and smiled, looking alarmingly like Dan in that moment. "I need to get dressed. The least you can do is make yourself useful if you're barging in," she huffed.

"Did I ever tell you that I missed you?" Nate said as he shot her a grin.

"Sucking up to me won't get you out of making coffee, Archibald," Blair said, feeling a rush of warmth from the familiarity of Nate's presence. "You do know how to make coffee, don't you?"

"Yes, I know how to make coffee," Nate said huffily. "Dan delegated coffee to me as my task at the Humphreys' because I'd be up early when I went for a run."

Blair nearly rolled her eyes at him. Of course Dan taught him how to make coffee.

When Blair came downstairs, she was greeted with the smell of coffee, just as she'd requested. She also saw a plate of croissants.

"You brought breakfast as well? Are you trying to butter me up about something?" She raised an eyebrow at him, but grabbed a croissant anyhow.

"I just wanted to talk to you," Nate said, seeming sincere. "We haven't really talked under normal circumstances for awhile."

"No, we haven't," she agreed, pouring herself a cup of coffee and taking a sip. "Thanks for the coffee. I imagine you haven't had to make it much for awhile," she said conversationally, trying to get a gauge on how Chuck was without giving too much away.

"No, we do generally have it brought to us at the Empire," Nate admitted. "And Chuck's doing well, by the way."

Blair shrugged her shoulders, hoping to appear nonchalant. "That's good," she said sincerely. With time and distance, she rarely thought about Chuck anymore. If Chuck was doing well, he would likely continue to stay away even once her annulment became public. "I can't believe you guys still live together," Blair said with a short laugh.

"No reason to move out," Nate said casually. "Chuck's like family at this point."

"But Dan's your best friend," Blair said, shaking her head. "I still don't know how you manage to be friends with both of them."

"It's not so hard," Nate said easily. "Chuck only occasionally gets jealous."

"But Dan is secure in your bromance?" Blair chuckled.

"Dan's a good friend," Nate said simply, as though that said it all. In a way, she supposed it did. Nate cleared his throat. "So, speaking of Dan..." he started awkwardly.

"I should have known better than to take one of your blood croissants," Blair said exasperatedly. She narrowed her eyes at him, waiting for Nate's true motives to come out. She should have figured he wasn't there just to hang out.

"I come in peace," Nate said, raising his hands in surrender. Nate looked down at the table. "Dan told me about you and Louis. I'm really sorry."

"I'm okay," Blair said, surprised that she meant it. "The whole thing was probably a mistake."

"Even so, I'm sure it hurts," Nate said earnestly. "Dan seemed worried about you, and thought maybe I could help."

Blair smiled affectionately at Nate. While Nate and Dan had been close before, they had definitely formed a tighter bond since she'd been gone. She shook her head, and blinked back tears. It was alarming how Dan seemed to know just what she needed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," Nate said. "Don't tell Dan I made you cry."

Blair laughed. "It's not you, Archibald," Blair said. "You can tell Humphrey he made me cry via proxy."

Nate looked confused. "I don't understand," he said.

"It's just Dan," Blair said with a smile. Nate nodded in understanding, her explanation apparently sufficient. She looked at Nate, remembering the boy who would sit at this table with her whole family long before Dan was in any of their lives. While she was no longer in love with him, and hadn't been for a long time, she couldn't help but feel great affection and fondness for him. He would just always be _Nate_. He was also just the person she needed to talk to right now.

"Why don't you think we worked out back in high school?" Blair asked bluntly. She felt like the topic should make her feel more uncomfortable, but there was something about Nate that put her completely at ease. She supposed that was part of Nate's appeal to Dan as well, considering that Dan wasn't much better at relaxing than she was.

Nate looked at her thoughtfully, perhaps expecting this line of questioning. "Originally, I think it was because I felt trapped by everything my parents wanted for me. You were just one more thing that was being scripted for me," he said. He looked her in the eye, trying to express his regret for the past. "I think I lost sight of you as a person for awhile; you were just another obligation."

"Don't soften the blow to make me feel better or anything," Blair said teasingly. She actually appreciated his honesty.

"If you'd let me finish, it gets better," Nate chided. "I don't know how you and Dan ever manage to converse without talking over each other all the time."

"It's a small miracle sometimes," Blair said, smiling. "Please, do go on."

"As I was saying, that was part of why we were drifting apart, even before the Shepard wedding," Nate said, glancing away at the mention of his tryst with Serena. Blair nodded reassuringly at him, wanting him to go on. "I think in the long run, we really weren't right for each other. I know at different times we tried to force it, but I don't think it ever felt easy, do you?"

Blair shook her head. "No, but I tried so hard..." Blair started, then stopped. She smiled sheepishly. "One might even say I tried too hard, not just with you."

Nate shrugged. "Maybe you just haven't been in the right relationship yet," Nate said. "Look, Dan told me you seemed to be doubting yourself, and that maybe I might have some answers. From my end, I can tell you it wasn't just about you, it was about us. And as an outside observer, the same goes for you and Chuck."

"Are you saying I'm not a lost cause, Archibald?"

Nate didn't speak for a moment, likely catching onto the hidden meaning behind her words. If Nate thought she was fated to break Dan's heart, she knew he'd tell her to back off.

Nate reached over the table and squeezed her hand affectionately. "No more than the rest of us," he answered.

"Thank you, Nate" Blair said softly. "And not just for this. Thanks for manipulating me into coming back here. You knew if I wouldn't openly come for Dan that the Serena card would work. Well played."

Nate grinned, looking slightly ashamed. "I did learn a thing or two from you and Chuck over the years," he said. "I try to only use my powers for good."

She rolled her eyes. "You and Dan really are becoming frighteningly similar."

After Nate left, Blair fought the urge to go see Dan. Nate had helped her gain some perspective, and she wanted to thank him. However, she also had no idea what she would say to him now. She was a free woman who would indefinitely be in the same city as him. It certainly changed their dynamic.

She decided to call him, rationalizing that she just wanted to find out how his doctor's appointment went.

"Hey," he said warmly when he picked up. 

"Thanks for sending Nate," Blair told him in lieu of a greeting.

"He wasn't supposed to tell you that," Dan grumbled.

"He's not very good at lying," Blair said. "I suppose some might consider that to be an admirable trait."

"So, I'm finally being sprung from the pokey," Dan said cheerfully.

"Only you would consider living in a luxury penthouse with servants at your beck and call some sort of imprisonment," Blair teased him. "I'm glad some things don't change."

"It's just not home, you know?" She could almost hear him shrug through the phone.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," she told him honestly. Blair thought about the palace in Monaco, with its marble halls and cavernous rooms. It had made her opulent penthouse seem cozy in comparison, but it had at no point ever felt like home.

"How would you like to come over and celebrate my return to the loft?"

"I suppose it would be in poor taste to complain about the venue on your first night home," Blair sighed.

Dan laughed. "I need to pick up some groceries, but feel free to let yourself in if I'm not there. I hear you still have your key."

She was happy they were on the phone, because she knew he was smirking and she would want to slap him. He would also see that she was blushing, remembering what it was like to wake up and see the questioning stare of Jenny Humphrey.

She chose to ignore that comment altogether. "Just go to the loft. I'm not letting the invalid buy groceries. I'll bring dinner around 7," she said.

When Blair arrived at the loft, takeout bags in hand, she felt strangely nervous. While she and Dan had hung out at the loft together more times than she could count, she knew there had been a shift between them. Their feelings were more or less out in the open, but at this Blair had no idea what to do with that information. She thought about knocking on the door, but she smiled to herself and took out her key instead. She wanted to see the expression on his face when she let herself in.

The smile on his face when he saw her walk her through the door did not disappoint. It was a blend of his happy grin and a hint of a smirk.

"You really feel at home here, even after all this time," Dan said, walking toward her to help with the bags.

She shook off his help and walked to the kitchen. "You shouldn't be carrying anything, I'm sure. Just sit down and relax," she scolded him.

"The doctors said I shouldn't lift more than 20 lbs. I think I could handle a couple of takeout bags," he said exasperatedly. "I'm well on my way to a full recovery."

"Just let people dote on you for now. Why is that so hard?"

"I'm just used to taking care of myself," he said, shrugging.

"Fine. If you must be this way, then go grab some plates," she said, smiling despite herself when he eagerly followed her orders. She knew Lily had made sure Dan was waited on hand and foot, perhaps thinking she could make up for all her past parenting mistakes if she properly nursed Dan back to health. The problem was, Dan would be much happier doing things for other people instead.

"So, I presume you have some movie in mind for this big celebration of ours," Blair said as he put food onto the plates.

"I fear that I'm becoming predictable," Dan said, sliding a DVD case across the counter toward her. She looked at the cover and raised an eyebrow at him.

"_Marie Antoinette_? I suppose you think you're being funny."

"I figured the girl who thinks _Rosemary's Baby_ is the perfect anti-Valentine's movie would think M_arie Antoinette_ was appropriate viewing following the end of her royal marriage," he told her, his wide smile showing he thought he was very funny.

"You know, sometimes your sense of humor borders on the inappropriate," she chided.

"So says the girl who loves to joke about my almost-son," he reminded her.

"Touche´," she sighed, conceding the point. "Let's just go watch the movie. Try to keep your commentary to a minimum. I want to be able to enjoy the beautiful costumes in peace."

They moved to the couch and quietly ate their dinner, keeping a safe distance between them. About a half hour into the movie, Blair looked over at Dan. He was already sound asleep, his head poised on his hand in what looked to be an awkward position. She wasn't sure if she should wake him or not. She decided to watch the rest of the movie and see if he woke up.

He never stirred, and for the next hour Blair shifted her attention between the movie and the sleeping man beside her. She smiled at the memory of their first movie on this couch, with the both of them falling asleep. That night, she had awakened briefly to realize she was sleeping against him. She felt too tired and strangely content to move, so she had closed her eyes and gone back to sleep, taking comfort from the boy who slumbered beside her. She woke up the next morning alone on the couch, a blanket covering her and a pillow placed near her head.

After the movie was over, she decided it couldn't be good for him to sleep like that all night. She leaned over and tenderly stroked his face.

"Hey," she said softly as his eyes blinked open.

"I'm sorry," he said sheepishly. "I guess grabbing those plates took more out of me than I thought."

"It's okay," she said. "You should probably go to bed."

"Yeah," he agreed regretfully. "I'll try to be a better host next time."

"You really do need to work on that," she teased. She stood up, then leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "I can see myself out."

Before she could move to leave, he grabbed her hand. "You know, you could sleep here," he said, almost shyly. "Unless you prefer sleeping in my bed when I'm not here."

She rolled her eyes. "You're really not going to let me live that down, are you?"

He shook his head. "Probably not," he said with a wistful smile. "So, are you willing to share?"

"I presume you'll give me some sort of flannel to wear," she said, aiming for prissy but sounding more eager than anything else.

"No flannel," he said as he stood up. "You get your choice of NYU or Lincoln Hawk t-shirts."

"Lincoln Hawk, if I must," she sighed. While she was mostly joking when she mocked Dan's NYU education, her own time there was a memory she would rather not revisit.

When she emerged from the bathroom wearing the Lincoln Hawk shirt and boxers, he was waiting for her in the bedroom already dressed in flannel pajama pants and a plain t-shirt.

"Why did all of my wardrobe choices involve graphics?" she pouted.

"I really just wanted to see you in a Lincoln Hawk shirt," he admitted with a sly grin.

"When we get further away from your accident, I'm not going to let you get away with so much," she said, glaring at him teasingly.

"That's why I have to push the limits right now," he said. He paused for a moment, his eyes moving away from hers. "So, speaking of pushing things...I know any male in his 20s is supposed to make a move when he gets a beautiful girl in his bed. Uh, I hope you won't think it's indicative of your level of attractiveness when I pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow."

"Who says I wanted you to make a move?" she asked coyly.

"I didn't imply that you did," Dan said in mock earnestness. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't insulted if I didn't try anything. I would completely have expected that any advances would be rebuffed."

"I guess we'll never know," she sighed with a flirtatious smile. It felt strangely exhilarating to openly flirt with him like this.

"Aw, you're killing me," he said, clutching his chest. She answered this with a glare. "Right, still too soon," he acknowledged.

He made an exaggerated motion toward the bed. "After you," he told her.

She climbed into his bed on the left side, and he followed suit on the other side. "Just so you know, I usually sleep on this side," he said. They rolled over on their sides to face each other. "It looks like that's one less thing we'll have to fight about."

Already his eyes were drifting shut. "Goodnight," he said drowsily.

"Goodnight," she said, looking at him one more time before turning off the lamp. She smiled to herself, realizing that she had fallen asleep on Dan's side of the bed the last time she slept here.

When she woke up, sunlight was streaming through the windows. She was surprised to find the other side of the bed empty.

She wandered out of his bedroom into the bathroom. She grinned when she discovered that he had left her a new toothbrush on the counter. She brushed her teeth and tried to run his comb through her hair, not coming close to smoothing out the bedhead.

She found him in his office, doing something on his laptop. "Good morning," he said with a bright smile. "I made coffee. There are also bagels that Lily had delivered this morning."

"You may never need to go shopping again," she grinned at him.

"It's looking like that's very possible" he said, not looking up from his screen. "Why don't you go make yourself breakfast and I'll be right there. I want to finish something really fast."

"Okay," she said, curious about what he was working on.

She grabbed a bagel and fixed herself coffee, then sat at the counter to eat while she waited for him. As promised, he came in five minutes later.

"What was so urgent?" she asked more tersely than she had intended.

"You'll find out soon enough," he said cheerfully, ignoring her tone. "Thanks for staying last night."

"I didn't really feel like getting in a cab anyhow," she said nonchalantly. "Thanks for breakfast."

"Anytime," he said, putting the finishing touches on his own breakfast and sitting at the counter beside her. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, clearly contemplating something.

"What?" she asked finally, his stare making her feel uneasy.

"I don't know how to even get started, so I'm just going to say it," he began. Blair started to feel dread in the pit of her stomach, knowing the conversation was about to take a serious turn. "I decided that I'm still going to go on my trip, provided the doctor gives me permission. I'm set to leave three weeks from today."

"Oh," she said, trying to figure out how that made her feel. She felt a little hurt that he was leaving without consulting her, and just sad that he'd be gone. On the other hand, she remembered how excited he'd been when he talked to her about finally getting to see the world. She knew he hadn't had the travel opportunities she'd gotten growing up, and she was happy for him.

"Unless you really don't want me to go..."

"No, I think you should go," she said sincerely. "You deserve this trip after everything."

"Okay," he said noncommittally. "I will miss you. I've gotten used to seeing you all the time again."

She had a sudden thought. "What if I came with you?"

He looked at her skeptically. "Even though Lily covertly called my travel agent and upgraded all my tickets to first class, I'm not sure it's really something you'd enjoy," he said carefully. "For instance, do you really want to go on an African safari with me and Nate or whitewater rafting down the Nile?"

Blair had a vision of Dan and Nate, riding in a Jeep, dressed in matching khaki shorts and t-shirts. Dan would smile fondly as Nate's pointed at the animals, his eyes lighting up like a child's. While the image made her smile, she knew it wasn't something she'd likely enjoy.

"Probably not," she admitted. "It would also set my powerful woman plans back another year."

"We couldn't have that," he agreed. "What do you think you want to do?"

"Obviously, I need to go back to school," she said. It had pained her when Dan graduated, knowing she should have been wearing a cap and gown and attending her own graduation. "I'm hoping to really push myself and get done in less than two years. It was bad enough when you graduated before me; I can't let Nate get his degree first."

"Don't tell Nate it's a competition," Dan advised. "He's surprisingly competitive at times."

"Could you try and distract him and keep him past the Africa leg of your trip?"

Dan laughed. "While I love you, I am not going to sabotage Nate for you."

Dan smile dropped as soon as he realized what he'd said. While it was said casually, the words had come out with an affection and tenderness that left no doubt as to his sincerity. Dan's gaze shifted to the counter.

"You can take it back," she told him. She knew it could never really be taken back, but she didn't want him to be uncomfortable with so much uncertainty still surrounding them.

He slowly lifted his gaze. "I don't want to," he said firmly. "Trying to squelch my feelings only made me miserable."

"Then don't," she said softly. He let out a resigned laugh, knowing he wasn't going to hear the words in return. "I'm sorry..." she started, not quite sure what she was apologizing for. Everything about their relationship had confused her for so long, it was hard to realize that so many of their obstacles were in the past. It made it difficult for her to sort everything out.

He stood up, taking a step toward her. She looked up at him from her position on the bar stool.

"Don't be sorry. I know you're in a different place," he said, seemingly sincere. "While you know about my love of words, I do think actions speak louder than words. Your actions these past few weeks have shown me how you feel, even if you can't vocalize it yet."

He leaned forward and kissed her without hesitation, surprising her. He pulled back before she could respond, looking at her to gauge her reaction. Before he had a chance to stand back up, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him firmly. He responded immediately, leaning his body forward and wrapping his arms around her back to support her on the stool. She heard herself moan when he began to explore her mouth with a determination that hadn't been there in the past. Eventually he pulled back, both of them breathless.

"So, I would never ask you how much you weigh, but I'm guessing it's more than 20 pounds," he said into her ear.

She gave a surprised laugh. "Just a pound or two more. What did you have in mind?"

"What I would really like is to have just lifted you in my arms and taken you to my room without saying a word," he said, his voice an octave deeper than she was used to. "That apparently isn't in the cards."

She leaned forward and kissed him briefly. "Are you sure you're up for this?" she asked.

She could tell he really wanted to respond with something suggestive, but he merely raised his eyebrows and smirked at her choice of words. She rolled her eyes.

"What I meant to say was, what did the doctor say about strenuous activities?"

"He said I shouldn't try and climb any mountains, but otherwise just to listen to my body."

She couldn't help but rub her hand suggestively up and down his chest. "So, what is your body saying?" she asked.

"It's saying that it would really like it if I tested its limits." He kissed her again briefly, and then waited for her response before moving forward.

"So, do you want to go for a jog? I can call Nate for you," she teased, letting her hand slip underneath his shirt to stroke the bare skin of his chest.

She saw his eyes darken at her touch. "While I hate to be the one to relent in this little tease, I'm going to just be blunt," he said. "I would really like it if you would follow me to my bedroom, where I hope my body will cooperate and allow us to finally consummate this relationship of ours."

He held out his hand in invitation, which she accepted immediately and stood up. "Don't worry, I'll go easy on you," she said with a cheeky grin as she let him lead her to his bedroom.

Afterwards, she rested her head contentedly on his chest, his hand lightly stroking her back the only sign that he was still awake.

"If you need to go back to sleep, I won't be offended," she told him.

He chuckled, craning his head to kiss her lightly. "It's very possible I'll be nodding off soon, but I'm doing okay right now."

"Just okay?" she asked, smiling into his chest. He rolled over on his side, propping his arm on his elbow so he could look at her. She mimicked his position, and they exchanged goofy grins.

"I'm probably a notch or two above okay," he teased. His smile faded a little and he let out a nervous laugh. "Hopefully I'll get my stamina back soon and you won't have to bail me out in the end."

"You know I'm always happy to take over," she told him reassuringly. "Either way, I'm also a notch or two above okay."

Blair felt inexplicably giddy and light. While there had been some awkward fumbling, and she had to do most of the work after Dan started to tire soon after they started, she still felt blissfully content lying here with him. It felt so freeing to be this close to him, naked in his bed in broad daylight.

Dan reached his hand over toward her and stroked her face softly. "I'm really glad you're here," he said simply.

"Me too," she said softly. Her blissfulness started to fade slightly as reality set in. They had never really decided anything about the future. She forced herself to be brave and address the elephant in the room. "So, what happens now?" she asked hesitantly.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "I do have a suggestion, part of which I was working on this morning when you found me in the office."

"You were planning this all along?" she asked teasingly.

"Well, not really this," he said, gesturing at the two of them. "I did hope that we'd discuss what we wanted moving forward. I just let us get a little distracted."

She giggled. "I'm sorry."

"There is absolutely no need to apologize," he said. "If I were at full strength, I'd tell you to feel free to distract me again right now."

"So, what's your plan?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

"My suggestion," he corrected her. "A plan would indicate that I don't want your input."

"Fine, what's your suggestion?"

He looked at her seriously. "I think we both need some time right now to get our lives in order. I think I need this trip to clear my head before figuring out the rest of my life. I think you need to sort out some things as well."

"So, where does that leave us? At an impasse still?"

"I think it leaves us in a bit of a precarious state," he said nervously. "I don't know about you, but I don't want anyone else. But I think I really need to take this trip, and to do it without you."

"I don't want to be with anyone else either," she said, somewhat surprised at how easily the words came out and how much she meant them. "I need to focus on school more than anything right now, as tempting as whitewater rafting down the Nile is."

"So, that leads me to my suggestion," he said. "I think we spend the next ten months or so living our lives as we've been doing, keeping in touch with no pressure. I know this is the point in the relationship where you expect an engagement ring, but I'm not quite ready for that."

She gave him a light slap on the shoulder. "Just when I think I'm going to miss you, you give me reasons why I won't," she admonished him.

He smirked, and continued on with his thoughts. "I think we know where we stand, but I know things could change with time and distance," he said. She smiled softly, thinking about how time and distance strangely had seemed to only make them grow closer. "This morning, I bought you a ticket to Barcelona, where I plan to be for two weeks during your Christmas break."

"You want me to come to see you in Spain?" she said, grinning wide.

"There's no one else I'd rather enjoy the architecture and art with," he said sincerely. "Up until then, I want us to still talk, but I want to table any decisions about our future until then. I don't want us to do anything rash with you just out of your marriage and me recovering from a near death experience I haven't really processed."

"What if I'm not ready to make any decisions by then?" she asked hesitantly.

"Then we'll make them when you're ready," he said confidently. "To be clear, this is an offer, not an ultimatum."

"When you say you don't want to discuss our future until then, does that mean you want all our conversations to remain completely _friendly_?" she asked suggestively.

He leaned forward and kissed her soundly, pulling back sooner than she would have liked. "I think we can broaden the topics during our phone conversations," he said agreeably.

"How about video chats?"

His eyes went wide, and Blair smirked. "Yes," he said in a somewhat strangled voice. "We _definitely _don't have to be completely friendly when we video chat."

"Then I think I like the sound of your suggestion," she said, leaning forward to kiss him again.

"You have your passport?" she asked for the tenth time. "Both of you?"

"Yes, Blair," Dan said mockingly. "We have our passports."

"And you definitely have power adapters? I'd hate for you to blow out your hair dryer or something."

Nate rolled his eyes. "Blair, I've been overseas before. Plus, I doubt either of us will need a hair dryer in Africa."

"But what about your razors?"

"I didn't even bring a razor," Dan said with a deadpan expression. "I thought I'd grow out a beard. I'm curious how long it could get."

She was pretty sure he was kidding. "Well, then you can forget any video chatting," she said just to be safe.

"Fine, I guess I'll go ahead and shave," he said, leaning down and kissing her, perhaps a bit more passionately than was appropriate for the airport.

"I'd say get a room, but I think we'd miss our flight," Nate said. Dan and Blair broke apart sheepishly.

"I think I'm going to go ahead and go through security and shop for some magazines," Nate said. He stepped forward and gave Blair a hug. "I know you're going to be lonely, but don't let Chuck get to you," he whispered in her ear.

"I'm going to be taking too many summer classes to get lonely," she said in a normal tone. "After all, I have to be sure that you don't graduate before me."

Nate raised his eyebrows. "Oh, so it's a competition now," he said, smiling.

"You may want to revise your schedule when you get back," Blair said. "Twelve hours isn't going to hack it."

"Dude, maybe I need to stay back," Nate told Dan.

Dan laughed. "I'll see you at the gate," he said. "Don't forget, we're going to get to see giraffes and baby elephants."

Nate grinned. "That's way better than school, for sure," Nate agreed. He gave them a final wave and walked away.

"So," Dan said, not sure what to say.

"I guess this is goodbye," Blair said, tears springing into her eyes.

"It's more of an _hasta luego_ than an _adios_," Dan said. "That being said, I'm going to miss you." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her softly on the mouth.

"I'll see you in Barcelona," Blair said firmly.

Dan's eyes misted, a soft smile on his face. "I hope so."

"You know they speak Catalan in Barcelona, not Spanish," Blair said, unable to resist.

Dan let out an exaggerated sigh. "They speak Spanish too. There are two official languages; Catalan is just more common." he said, smiling. "Either way, the sentiment remains, even if I don't know how to say 'goodbye' or 'see you later' in Catalan."

She kissed him again, then pulled out of his embrace. "_Hasta luego_," she said with a small wave.

"_Hasta luego_," he said, returning her wave. He wiped at his eyes and smiled at her one last time before turning and heading toward security.

Blair walked back to the town car, a wistful smile on her face. She was eager to get home and read about hotels in Barcelona. There was no way she was going to let him choose where they were staying.


End file.
